I think I've got PND...

[Treesandbees]

I don't know where to go from here. I have a 2 yo DS and a 4 mo DD. My DS had awful reflux and was a very unsettled baby who didn't sleep more than 2 hours until he was 7 months old. We always knew we would have children close together as I have a kidney condition and can't wait. I honestly thought I'd have an 'easy baby' 2nd time around. But I'm really struggling as my DD has cows milk allergy and reflux too. She's all over the place. Hardly feeding, screaming, wants holding etc. There's no routine which I'm desperate for to give my life some order and so I can look after my son properly. I feel like a terrible Mum who can't hold it together for her children. I spend most days anxious about what's coming next, crying or screaming at my little boy. I keep loosing it and kick walls/smash things on work surfaces. I just don't have the mental strength to do this. My DS goes to nursery 2 days a week but I don't have any family nearby and my Mum would come but she's looking after my Nan who is basically dying. I've asked friends but everyone is busy or can only spare a couple of hours here and there. I don't know how to survive this and feel on the brink.

[SouthYarraYobbo]

Go to your gp. I think l had pnd with dd1 and l was anxious all the time, cried and generally felt very overwhelmed. I also don't have any support which l think can contribute to pnd (the feeling no one can help/cares).

Since having dd2 9 weeks ago l can see how different l am this time (no pnd) and am just enjoying her immensely. I wished l had got some help with dd1.

[SugarMiceInTheRain]

Firstly, sorry you are feeling like this, I've been there and it sucks. First off, I would go to your GP, they will be able to help you. You definitely sound as if you have some form of PND. Also, it might be worth contacting Home Start (you can self refer) to see if a volunteer could come and help you once or twice a week. It is a difficult age and I remember having a toddler and baby like it was yesterday as DS1 and 2 were 20 months apart. I found it helped to wear the baby in a sling so he felt like he was being carried, whilst I did things with the toddler, eg got down on the floor to play etc. Also, I found just getting out of the house in the fresh air helped. I had so many days when it just felt like too much effort to get 2 littlies out but when I did I felt better - got some fresh air, which helped all of us, and I got a breather from trying to stop a difficult toddler destroying the house! Those days with a little one and toddler are all about survival, so don't feel bad if you can't get jobs round the house done - nap when the baby naps and DS is at nursery. I found it helped to set myself mini goals for each day, just trivial things really eg. Open curtains, make bed, go for a walk, put on a wash load. Be gentle with yourself.

[Twerking9to5]

Hi OP. Firstly,

I have a DS and DD of exactly the same ages. It is insanely hard, I know. I realized I had PND a couple of months ago. My MIL made me phone the GP immediately and get a same day appt if I could. I felt a little bit silly when they asked if it was a medical emergency, but in hindsight it was definitely the best thing I did.

I'm on some anti-depressants now and honestly feel so much more able to cope. I know they are not the answer long term but, for now, they are helping me enormously.

Please do call your GP today and ask to see someone ASAP. Really good luck x

[Treesandbees]

Thank you everyone. I've realised today that this is not normal. My babysitter has got them both and instead of sleeping or doing something for me I've just sobbed. A mix of feeling despair and guilt that I've fobbed my children off on someone else as I can't cope. I've called GP. I couldn't bring myself to say it's for me to the receptionist so I said it was for my daughter. Ridiculous that you can't say it out loud. Waiting for a call back.

[Treesandbees]

I was going to say that I have a sling but I'm finding the close proximity of the baby when she's screaming is too much at the moment. Another sign that things aren't right!

[Twerking9to5]

Well done trees. I really hope you can get some help.

I felt exactly the same way-I left the kids with my husband for two nights (at his v strong suggestion as he thought a break would help). I felt terrible that I was leaving my babies but also kind of felt I didn't want to go back to all the chaos. It's a very dark time but I am sure you will start feeling better soon x

[Treesandbees]

Thanks Twerking. Sorry you've gone through this too but it's so reassuring that you've come out the otherside. I sobbed at the GP and they asked me to come in later. I've also got the Paeds apt for DD now so fx that will help her and help me!

[CorBlimeyTrousers]

Well done for contacting your GP. Believe me they will have seen and heard it ALL before. I have had PND after both my sons. This time I was referred to the perinatal psychiatric service during pregnancy and have been seeing a community psychiatric nurse regularly as well as my GP. I started taking medication when my son was 4 weeks old, increased the dose when he was 8 weeks old and am now (he's 13 weeks old) feeling much more like my normal self. Before I was so anxious, crying, shouting, couldn't stand to be by myself, felt useless and now I am enjoying my children again and looking forward to the rest of my maternity leave.

You have nothing to lose by seeking help and potentially everything to gain. Tell them the truth about how you're feeling. Good luck.

[MrsNutella]

Trees I know exactly how you feel!
Mine are now almost DS 3 and DD 15 months. It is better but still hard. I was having therapy before DD arrived and that helped. But I'm still struggling and need to get back into some more therapy! Seeing your thread has given me a kick up the Arse!

It is hard! With no one around to be able to call them to come over it really is bloody hard. I often think of the saying "it takes a village to raise a child". Doesn't help, but it reminds me this is bloody hard!

[Treesandbees]

GP was fantastic and watched my anxiety escalate in front of her eyes as my 2yo had a tantrum about not wanting blueberries for a snack. She's referred me for cbt and prescribed Sertraline and propananol. Had a bit of a weird night after the first tablet (feelings of impending doom) but today a lot less anxious but exhausted. DD is still really snotty and upset so DH has taken a couple of days off work. I think he's scared by the whole thing but I'm pleased to have some formal help now. Fingers crossed the meds kick in properly so I can get back to some sort of normality.

Ps having your replies had made me not feel so alone in this and that I'm not a crap Mum so thank you

[Twerking9to5]

Well done trees! So glad you've got some help now. I had those exact feelings of impending doom (along with just wanting to curl up in a ball and make someone else deal with everything!)

The sertraline gives me some crazy dreams-no nightmares so far thank goodness, they are all quite amusing!

I'm sure the GP would have mentioned they can take 2-3 weeks to kick in so don't worry if it takes a little while x

[Twerking9to5]

Oh and well done to your DH for taking time off work!

[SouthYarraYobbo]

Well done, that first step can be the hardest and you've done brilliantly

[CorBlimeyTrousers]

Well done. Yes it can take a few weeks for the meds to help and don't be surprised if the dose needs increasing. I am pleased your DH is being supportive. It makes a big difference. Fingers crossed this is your first step to recovery and a better time for you all. I saw my CPN today and the difference in how I feel now compared to a couple of months ago is unbelievable (well I wouldn't have believed it then).

Good luck.

[bittapitta]

You're brilliant for being so proactive and getting help. Can you also look into Homestart near you to seek help with key times of day or particular stress points? All the best OP

[Treesandbees]

Wish I felt like my DCs are lucky to have me Orange but I'm sure I will soon . Having some odd side effects from the tablets but hoping they wear off soon! Generally feeling a lot less anxious and not feeling overwhelmed when the crying starts so that's helping me to cope better already.