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Feel like everything is getting on top of me

(3 Posts)
Hopefullywaiting Sat 21-Nov-15 22:40:27

Hi

Not sure where to start. Dh had a road traffic accident in August and has been off work since. Fortunately (and I am of course very grateful) he was not severely injured. It's been the practical side of getting the vehicle involved (very costly repairs) up and running again that's stopping him returning to work at the moment.

I am not usually one to worry about money as I see it there's no point getting stressed over money. I am the only one working at the moment. we have fallen behind with our rent and are in debt. We have discussed the possibility of moving back into parents should we not be able to sort this.
We have always managed to pull our selves out of situations with little or no help from family as we like to be independent.

I am not feeling so optimistic this time now though.The bills are mounting . The start of next month we will owe 3 months full rent.

I have been in my job over a year now and up until a few months or so ago I was really enjoying it. I am not enjoying my work now at all, so much has changed and it has become humdrum and the day drags Terribly it feels almost like torture to get through. I find the motivation to go has gone I have to literally drag myself in.

We moved into our new property earlier in the year,after leaving a property with a very difficult landlord and also the property was positioned above shops with flats beside and above. There was alot of noise disturbance with our sleep getting disturbed and a feeling of lack of privacy we found it quite stressful in the end not to mention a very unhelpful landlord who wanted to raise the rent every year and to above what he knew we could reasonably afford.

When we moved to our new property the stress disappeared, it was like our little haven with lots of privacy we also are now living closer to family who we didn't see. We also moved nearer to a friend of dh who he met through work.

A few weeks after we moved in the friend from work come up to see the new place and to meet me. I made us dinner and we seemed to get on. He started popping up here and there and id make tea ect and make him feel welcome. The it become more frequent with him being here when Id come in from a long day (and 3 hour commute) from work which made it feel difficult to relax. He had already stayed twice by the end of July despite only living 5-10 min driving distance and about 15 mins walking.

I had to have a gentle word with my dh and ask if he could pop round to his friend house or make other arrangements (as this was on there non working days) so I could come home on my work days and just put my feet up. He's not round really after work now so it has improved in that respect.

However he wants to be outside our place after work each day ( they both have the same schedule 4 days on 3 days off) So he's meeting my husband outside ours so regardless if were having dinner, watching a program together ect he's phone is going off to alert him to the fact that his friend is outside ours waiting for him or sometimes his vehicle horn.

On the days off there work (two off which are my days off ) he's texting from late morning and its always with the view to pop round . I feel like I can't really relax with dh. My dh does get a bit frustrated with his phone going off and has says himself he was hoping to have a quiet day, but he didn't really know how to get round it . He's friend doesn't really have other friends there for him to help and he has difficulty with depression and drinks due to this . He also lives with and cares for an ill family member. I know dh feels bad for him and wants to help. I do really do feel for him I know it must be hard for him.

But its really putting a strain on the relationship even intimately as we don't know if were gonna have his friend beeping his horn outside ours or texting to say he's outside and get interrupted!

Up until very recently we had been ttc for over a year after a miscarriage last year, with no luck. I started feeling like this was affecting it as we were trying to work around our work schedules and then started having lack of privacy and space from his friend for around 5 months prior to quitting I felt almost like the last few months ttc were wasted.

I have had to go onto the pill now a few weeks back as I have endo and the pain each month has gotten to be immense. It was affecting my work life, I was having to take time off work (losing money and self esteem) and it was also affecting my personal plans I felt I was at the beck and call of my monthly's. I couldn't seem to get ahead financially and emotionally getting my period every month was beyond disappointing. I felt as much as I didn't want to give up my hopes I knew I needed to do it.

I feel worried that this situation with his friend won't be resolved when I come back to ttc and I need to be in a less stressful state of mind (that was the whole point of taking a break!) otherwise its all pointless.

Im finding Being on the pill now despite not having to suffer the pain and gutting disappoint/feeling desolate at the end of each cycle , really tough. I feel now the next few months are set out ahead of me and there is nothing to look forward at all.

I usually really look forward to Christmas its the one thing that keeps me going no matter how crappy the year might be. but I am finding even that hard to muster some excitement for this year

My baby would have been about 11 months this Christmas which was one of the things I was so looking forward too. Last Christmas was (meant) to be about thinking of preparing for baby ( dh family had already asked us regarding presents for us or the baby). We didn't get that far and Christmas just felt very sad and disappointing. I struggled through it. The way i got through though was thinking this Christmas could be very different.

And I'm here again, getting through another Christmas with no prospect of a family in sight.

Sis in law is currently pregnant. her baby is due same time as I would of been but next year. So that means she is at the same stage this Christmas as i would of been last Christmas. And the baby will be the same age next Christmas as mine tho year. The baby is also the same sex we believed our baby to be.
I am very happy for her. I am also very sad for myself and this reminder doesn't really help.

I suffer from S.A.D. I'm not sure how much of it is down to all of the other issues, but it seems to be particularly rough this year. I'm having the worse struggle getting up in the mornings I feel excruciatingly tired and am going back to bed during the day at any opportunity which is very very unlike me.
I'm usually one to stay up no matter how tired I am I worry I won't be able to sleep at night with sleeping during the day.
I cant seem to help it though and just feel myself drifting off while sitting on the sofa. Work is awful and a struggle. I am also studying at college .that's not as long a day as at work but still a struggle .

I have missed two days at work this week one to dental pain whole face in agony. The other I got up for work and had stomach ache and felt sick. I'm sure it was more than likely anxiety/stress related I got up and suddenly started feeling sick. I washed and dressed to see if I felt a little better then found when I was due to leaving I was in and out of the bathroom. I also just felt I couldn't face going it was too much just the thought of it. I have ibs which flares up with stress/anxiety and I get alot of acid reflux.

I just feel so so low in myself. It just feels like the Joy has been zapped out of life at the moment. sad

Sorry for long long self pitying post.
If you have read this far I applaud you star and thankyou xxx

Finallyputtherubbishout Sat 21-Nov-15 23:39:52

Hi hope I have no answers for you but wanted to offer flowers as I feel you pain. Try look after yourself x

Hopefullywaiting Sun 22-Nov-15 00:53:31

Hi Finally thankyou for your reply I really appreciate it and the flowers xxx here's some chocolate a brew and cake for you xx

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