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How do I help DD

(5 Posts)
qualitystreet1 Thu 19-Nov-15 17:14:26

This will be long so I do apologise. My DD is 19 and has always been an anxious child. When she was 15 she started self harming and although eventually referred to CAHMS she did not go as by the time the appointment came through she was too old and was told she had to go to through the adult system. She doesn't like talking to strangers anyway as she had a bad experience with the school counceller and has decided it will not help.

For the last year she has managed her anxiety very well and no longer self harms and discusses her feelings with me a lot more. Unfortunately events that have occurred in the last few weeks have really set her back. She done the first year of an apprentice with a company which she really enjoyed but they could not keep her on for the second year. She got a new company and started working for them last week. She has not settled in at all. The new company is a lot larger than her previous one, the other staff are not friendly and she has not been made to feel included in the team. The commute is a lot longer (she also has anxiety about public transport which is not helping). She is feeling totally overwhelmed and last night had a major panic attack and could not face going in today so rang in sick.

She also arranged to see her doctor this morning (this is a first, as the previous time she saw the doctor was by me insisting and dragging her there) so she is aware that what she is feeling now is worse than ever.

The doctor has given her Sertraline but has warned that the symptoms could get worse before they get better. I have told her that if her new work is making her ill then I would prefer her to leave and try to sort out a new placement - she is on a six week trial anyway so she its not a definite job anyway and as she has already called in sick today, that will no doubt go against her. To make matters worse, I was told a month ago that the company I work for will be closing at Christmas and as its only the two of us in the household we could be left with both of us unemployed. This is adding to her anxiety as she is torn - she does not want to stay in the new job but also feels that she has to as it may be our only source of income until I find new employment.

Would continuing going to work help her by keeping her busy or would it be better for her to leave now - I have told her that her health comes first and we will survive on benefits if we have to but I'm not getting through to her. She will be anxious whatever she decides so I suppose my question after all this, is, does keeping busy help with anxiety?

NanaNina Thu 19-Nov-15 19:16:47

I agree with you that your daughter's health should come first, and there seems little point in carrying on with this job if it is making her so anxious. Having said that, she may not be able to claim benefits for several weeks if she gives her job up voluntarily (don't think DWP recognise anxiety) and when she can claim it will be JSA (about £70 a week) but they make you jump through all sorts of hoops for the paltry sum and if they think you aren't making enough effort to get a job they sanction you. It's awful. She could claim ESA but they often make you do the Work Capability Test and most of the questions are related to physical health. Maybe her GP could support her claim.

Are you likely to find a new job soon, although I suppose that's an unknown. I think you'd be entitled to Housing Benefit if you're renting but not sure what they do about mortgages. CAB are very helpful in these issues.

NanaNina Thu 19-Nov-15 19:17:39

Oh I meant to say that your daughter might find YoungMinds website helpful.

qualitystreet1 Thu 19-Nov-15 20:51:42

Thanks for your reply - I will ask her to have a look at youngminds. My job prospects do not look too good as I'm in my mid 50's so a lot of companies write off us 'old' ones but I will obviously keep looking. My DD wants to work, she really enjoyed her old job and I think this helped considerably with her anxiety as they were very supportive.

I feel really guilty as her anxiety worsened when the news of my redundancy was announced and then she took the first job offered (even though she had some reservations about it) because she wanted to make sure there was some money coming in.

We are fortunate that the house is paid for but according to the Gov web site I will only be entitled to jobseekers at £71 p/w and DD may be on income support as she did not earn enough to pay tax at her last job. What the heck, if we have to live on beans on toast in the future then so be it, I will play it by ear in the morning and she how she feels but keep telling her that she can quit if she feels she needs to.

Floundering Thu 19-Nov-15 22:35:43

My daughter recently tried to claim ESA, with similar symptoms, & diagnosed with clinical depression& anxiety over a year ago. She is 20.
The hoops you go through are horrendous & they insist you go on jolly support sessions designed to help you get back to work. Difficult when you are crippled with nerves leaving the house let alone meeting a roomful of strangers!

Basically there is nothing much for under 25's who have family support.

However if she is becoming worse again, yes let her give work up & have a break. Maybe if she was feeling brighter in the N Y she could consider some voluntary work ?

Amazing what you learn to do with smart price pasta !

All joking aside it's a shit time so big hugs to you both xx

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