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how much interest does your other half take in your illness?

(6 Posts)
leopardstick Tue 17-Nov-15 08:44:12

Mine has been supportive in terms of listening and being there but despite asking him three times to research a bit about depression so he can understand, he still hasn't. I had the diagnosis a week ago. We are different people but I feel if he were ill I'd want to research the illness anyway but if he asked me to it would be essential for me.

Maybe I'm just feeling sensitive getting used to my medication but I feel like... I don't know... Like I'm alone any way and struggle to explain how I feel. Do you think he's just scared?

Tinderella Tue 17-Nov-15 09:03:59

Mine takes too much interest. Always reading articles and being knowledgeable, going on carers' workshops and attending focus groups. It is sweet but can feel a little claustrophobic at times.

My parents, on the other hand, deny that it's an illness and aren't interested in the slightest, in spite of me being ill since I was around 12/13. I send them books and articles and they still don't educate themselves.

Have you given your DH specific articles/examples to read? It might make you feel a little more in control if you can seek out the literature that best describes how you feel with your depression and have him read others' explanations of what you can't quite put into words yet. Giving small, specific pointers may help him not be overwhelmed by all the information (some of it incredibly negative) out there.

It is early days though, and I imagine you're both reeling from you being ill and the formal diagnosis. Be kind to yourself and to him flowers

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Tue 17-Nov-15 09:24:43

DP is only interested in how my illness affects me and believes I'm best placed to tell him.

The amount of research available is overwhelming and tbh I've never bothered myself beyond the NHS website and a very small "Family Doctor Series" book.

May be you could look up relevant articles and give him information in bite-size chunks, his brain might process information better that way.

brew & cake though. Take one day at a time and give your meds chance to settle.

Asteria36 Tue 17-Nov-15 10:07:48

Depression is a very lonely place and it often makes you feel like those around you don't care. It can also make a person emotionally demanding, through no fault of their own, which can be a drain on those around them. Try and keep in mind that depression makes you more prone to feel more intense anxiety which can lead to a
I have had fluctuating depression for 20 years, but it took my DH losing his cool and shouting "but what about me?? This affects me too..." for me to realise how selfish I had become. Everything had been about him understanding the suffering I was experiencing and at no point had I even considered the emotional impact my depression was having on him.
It may well be that the depression is overwhelming your DH and he will just need a little longer to process what is happening to you. Try, as others have suggested, sitting down with your DH and reading though an article together. If you can pick through what you are experiencing and discount the symptoms that you are not, he will have a much more accurate picture of what the depression means to you. There is still so much stigma and fear surrounding depression, largely through a lack of understanding.
Have you tried mindfulness to help with the depression?

leopardstick Tue 17-Nov-15 11:05:28

Thanks both. Good points there. I find it really hard to talk about it so I guess it's the easy route to get him to read about it. But you are right, my symptoms might not be the same

I think on reflection I am testing him a bit as if he goes to the trouble to research of his own accord then it tells me he is taking it seriously. I feel like if I have to send him links then he's not doing it through choice. Which is ridiculous I know

leopardstick Tue 17-Nov-15 11:07:29

Sorry I crossed posts. We're quite early on and all of what you say makes sense to me. I will take that advice. My GP advised letting the medication "even me out" before trying any kind of talking therapy or other things

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