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Dug myself a massive hole...

(3 Posts)
Whattodo222 Tue 10-Nov-15 01:12:03

For a very long time I hid my problems from everyone but a few years ago I finally let it out to my dp. Since then it's been a bumpy ride of ups and downs but as it's become more settled I've slipped into the old guise and have made it sound better than it really is. For the past 6-8 wks I've had lots of suicidal thoughts, a lot of non cutting sh and one occasion which could be seen as a suicide attempt although I see it as more of a dry run than a true attempt.
Something is clearly wrong but I've done such a good job of telling the world that I'm on the mend and put so many loved ones through enough that I'm back where I started except this time I feel like twice as deceitful - I came clean once before,unleashed the bombshell and accepted help - I'm supposed to be being truthful about how I've been feeling but I haven't really.
Where do I go from here?

amarmai Tue 10-Nov-15 02:45:40

think you have to tell him op. maybe your gp can help you get support to do this as it clearly is hard for you and him. You are NOT being deceitful ; i expect you were pretending to be well = what he was hoping was the truth . But if the dry run goes on to being the real thing, wont he be devastated that he didn't know and didn't help you? Do you have other support? Can you get other support ? You and your dp need a support network. Can you talk to him about who cd help you both get thru this? I am praying for you ,op.

hefzi Tue 10-Nov-15 22:15:57

You poor old thing: you haven't been deceitful you wanted to believe that you were feeling better - can you please do your best to talk it through with your dp, and also make an appointment with your GP/CMHT/crisis team/whoever has been helping you? It sounds like things are not going to great at the moment, and to be honest, it's often not a smooth ride: so speak up, and get some help. And maybe think about calling the Samaritans, if you need some phone support, or the MIND helpline?

You need to keep yourself safe, OP: if necessary, get yourself to A and E, but please, please, talk to someone, and make an emergency appointment with your GP.

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