Depression - numb to DP

[MrsCorbyn]

This time last week I took an overdose and failed. My brilliant and supportive and generally wonderful DP saw empty pill packets (around 30 paracetamol, some old sertraline pills, I've been off around a year but used to be on 150mg per day which at 8 stone is quite a bit I think) and rang ambulance. I was discharged from hospital after the liver protecting drips late last Saturday. Since then I've been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety and put back on sertraline, with therapy to come once I'm with community mental health team not the crisis team. None of this is a surprise to me; it's not my 1st attempt, I've had mental health issues on and off for years and, ironically, I work for CAMHS within psychology.

I can get through all this eventually, I'm confident with my care team, the hardest part is the absolute numbness I feel towards DP. He could not do more and I know I love him (thankfully no kids yet) but right now I don't even particularly like him. I don't really feel anything for anyone to be fair but it's more acute as he's my best friend, I love him and he's trying so hard and clearly so scared.

Does this pass? Is ot the depression or have I just fallen out of love ? I've been mid-fog for months now, last week was not a cry for help but a genuine attempt, and now I just don't care. I want to care. I miss feeling love not low level irritation. Can anyone help or advise or anything?

Sorry for essay

[CloakAndJagger]

its the depression and it will change as you begin to get better. When I'm severely depressed, I feel nothing for my husband or my children and no feelings for anything really. Like you become completely detached from feelings.

Your attempt is very recent. You're right at the start of the whole process of being in crisis and recovery. I can't do anything other than reassure, from the other side that you can have feeling again and one day it won't be quite so bleak.

[MrsCorbyn]

But I can see the sadness in him and I feel awful for not being able to reciprocate love. I just can't. I'm empty.

[CloakAndJagger]

It's one of the things that makes depression so horrible. It sucks the feelings out of you leaving you numb. Knowing you should feel something, but there's nothing there. You're still in there somewhere and so are your feelings.

[Thestressofit]

It is your illness, I'm in the thick of its and feel nothing at all apart from anxiety or deep gloom. I have taken to watching horror and weepy films in an attemot to try and feel another emotion. It doesn't work and I give not a crap about me or anyone else. I would rather be alone than near my family.

I'm getting help.