Desperate. Emergency GP appt?

[OnTheEdgeToday]

If i feel im heading for a breakdown, is this concerning enough to be able to get an emergency doctor appointment? (You dont need to read the rest. This question is my main thing. Rest is me just going on and on)

I am so fed up. For the past two years i have had an enormous amount of stress, continuously. Some reoccuring and ongoing, other things that have just seemed to come and smack me when i feel i am just getting my head together and regaining some strength.

I dont feel i have any strength anymore and i am showing massive signs of depression. Anxiety has escalated and is not coming down. My mood is so unpredictable, i dont know how i am going to react to what people say do. One minute i might be fine with something, and the next second the same thing might fill me with rage.
I hate how i am at the minute but i really dont feel i have any control over my own emotions at the minute. The way i am at the minute is so far from the person i really am!

I have dealt with some massive personal issues. An extreme manipulative relationship (which this board actually helped me get out of) - months of therapy for that. He took my child and kept him from me. I think i suffered some form of ptsd due to that. I got him back. 2 months later my mother was diagnosed with incurable cancer. A few months later we get told it had spread. My dad then was diagnosed with lung cancer. Thankfully he is in remission now. Every few months there after my mother was given news of where else the cancer had spread to. During all of this i am still dealing with the massive personal issue which i dont want to talk about. My older sons dad (different from emotional abuser), who was physically abusive comes on the scene. Children services advice me to allow contact. I reluctantly do and then they advice i stop....otherwise if i continued it would appear i was unable to safeguard my child. An emotional rollercoaster with my son, obviously. I hsve generalised anxiety disorder anyway, so trying to keep on top of that during everything has been emotionally and physically draining.
I have 3 children who are currently pushing boundaries. I am unsure if they are actually pushing them due to picking up on me being low, or if im over thinking their behaviour and escalating it all due to anxiety.
I have little support, due to my parents illness. I find i try to support them, obviously.
I started working, thinking it would do me the world of good. I absolutely love it there. It is only 2 hours per day 5 days a week. I believe this hss been my tipping point.
As much as i love it, i think it is just one little extra thing too much. I do not want to quit because 2 years ago...there was no way on this earth id of been able to do what i am doing now. I have worked so hard to get to this point and i dont want to give up.

[Badders123]

Yes of course it is.
If you feel suicidal then a and e would be appropriate.
I'm so sorry things are so toughh for you right now x

[OnTheEdgeToday]

Thankfully i dont feel suicidal in the slightest. Thank you x

[RealHuman]

This is exactly what urgent GP appointments are for.

[PacificDogwod]

Of course you can ask for an emergency appointment for a MH issue
I suppose how appropriate that is depends on how long you'd have to wait for a routine appointment and how bad you are feeling.

I hope thinks will improve quickly for you.

[OnTheEdgeToday]

Thank yous. I thought they were for more physical illness, like painful ones or when children or quite poorly.

I am terrified of them contacting children services. I dont know if that is another irrational worry or not though. Other than snappy over stupid things, i am not aggressive or anything. Though i know that doesnt take away the fact my snappy reactions are often inappropriate lately. I am still functioning on a normal level and work hasnt mentioned any issues. In fact my boss was telling me how proud she was today at how i dont let my anxiety affect my work.

[PacificDogwod]

SS have NO interest in stressed parents, who are seeking help for their issues. The system would collapse even more in about 2 hrs

You are obviously getting exhausted from working so hard to just hold it all together - do get some help and support before you collapse in a heap

[OnTheEdgeToday]

I will go. I was offered therapy last time just for my anxiety. I think i might ask for it. I was offered anti depressants on top of my propranolol but i felt a little better at that time...and the worry of SS was there then, too.

[hefzi]

Hope your appointment went well- just to second the fact that you really mustn't let fear of SS put you off: they aren't concerned with people who are being helped and are taking good care of their kids - your DCs are not in danger, and are being well-looked after, and there's no reason SS will even find out. Your juggling a lot, and it's no wonder things are tough - you're not an automaton that can just keep going and going and going. Take the therapy, and if they offer AD too, think about those - it sounds as though you could do with the extra support atm until things start to pick up.

Hang in there!