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Deflated like fucking blow up doll

(5 Posts)
ToysDontWorkNoMore Tue 03-Nov-15 15:04:09

I don't even know what to write. Have skipped work for two days in a row, and will have to go into uni tomorrow. I feel so mentally exhausted and disgusted with myself. After being badly bulimic again for a few weeks now, I feel bloated, uggly and grotesquely fat. I have not checked how much I weigh, but to be fair, I don't really want to know.

I feel like my depression is also back with a vengeance. DH is under immense pressure right now and DS is off school with a bug for the second day now, so I cannot crumble. We also have DH's work mate staying for the next few days in our tiny flat (no choice about it). He is so fit and goes for runs all the time. He must think I'm subhuman. I tidied up the kitchen right now so he doesn't think I'm totally fucking useless. I feel like disappearing and fading away. I'm out of codeine, so can't catch a high from those either. I should cry, but I don't see the point. I feel angry at DH for letting DS stay home for a cough (he didn't have a temp yesterday, so would have been fine to go in IMO), also angry at thus mate hanging about. I feel like my brain is all crowded up. I want to be left alone, preferably with a vat of codeine.

I don't know if I want advice -probably not-I know what the rational course of action should be, but can't give a stuff (thus CBT miserably failed woth me).- sorry..

dontrunwithscissors Tue 03-Nov-15 21:21:17

Sorry you're struggling. I'm not much help, I'm afraid, but can send (((hugs)))

ToysDontWorkNoMore Tue 03-Nov-15 21:59:43

Thanks so much. I got past it a bit, today, but the struggles are recurring. It's exhausting. sad

amarmai Wed 04-Nov-15 02:16:47

why is there no choice re this work mate? Tell your h you cannot cope and let him go somewhere else. You are not his mummy. Take your son to the dr and get his say so whether he can go to school. Your dh is not a GP is he? Please assert yourself more as it's your home , your son, your health.

ToysDontWorkNoMore Wed 04-Nov-15 20:06:41

True re work mate. There is choice. I do occasionally say he can't stay, when he has asked before, but then feel guilty for being awkward and causing potential problems (we need to keep this mate happyish as he is doing a project together with DH, and we need him -long story).

DS is now sick for the fifth day in the row and getting worse, so DH has taken him to out of hours GP. I guess he really needed to, and still needs to, stay at home. I dread next week. DS is mildly phobic of school, so this absence will not help. I will be alone all of next week wrestling my son to school. Thing is, I can't physically do it -he is too strong. sad

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