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pnd

(2 Posts)
Mummybethh07 Sun 01-Nov-15 15:58:36

Hi, I was just looking for some advice but first you need to know my story!
I'm a 19 year old mum, I have a gorgeous little boy, I fell pregnant at 16 had him at 17! Had a bit of a traumatic birthing experience and found it hard to bond properly with my baby at first. When my baby was 4 months old I had a breakdown and was suicidal, that's when I found out about the pnd, my then partner (now my ex) became very controlling and abusive, he would call me crazy everyday and tell me that no one would ever believe me if I did speak to anyone about what was going on at home. The doctors put me on anti depressants and offered me counselling, I didn't except the counselling and stopped taking the tablets due to the horrible side effects. When my son was 8 months old I left his dad and felt a lot better, I felt free and didn't even think about the postnatal depression. After a few months I met someone else, he's amazing with my son (my son still sees his dad), they really are like the best of friends, he treats me very well and I couldn't ask for anything more. 5 months into the relationship I fell pregnant, it turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy, we dealt with that and life carried on as usual. But now 5 months later my sons at his dad, my partner is at football and I'm sitting in bed at nearly 4pm wondering what is wrong with me. I spend every day thinking about what my baby would have been like, it wasn't the right time to have a baby but that doesn't mean i didn't want it. My partner doesn't like talking about it, it made our relationship very rocky but we got past it. But with every day that goes past I'm falling apart more and more, I cry all the time, I can't leave the house and I don't know why, I don't want to get dressed, it feels like there's nothing to get up for. I know that sounds horrible because I have a 2 year old and don't get me wrong he is my absolute world but I just feel like I can't do it! If it wasn't for my partner I don't know how I would do it. I love my boys but I feel like I'm drowning.

Has anyone else felt like this, how did you get through it?sad

elliejjtiny Wed 04-Nov-15 00:17:21

Hi, I've got PND too and I've also had 2 miscarriages. Losing a baby is awful, truly horrendous and yet so many people expect you to "get over it", start trying again and live happily ever after. I've found it doesn't work like that though.

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