DH severely depressed need advice

[AngryWildChild]

My DH has suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. He has a history of addiction to ssri's so medication is out of the question. Our dc was born at the beginning of the year and this has really triggered his depression, due to my lack of sex drive from pure exhaustion he feels rejected and unloved. Has a very complicated history with his parents and no other real family around other than an aunt who helps and offers advice when he's struggling. His aunt has now been diagnosed with a terminal illness very suddenly and pushed DH over the edge. He's extremely tearful, on edge constantly feels worthless unloved rejected and alone. After a few drinks very quickly became suicidal. I sat with him all night and he eventually fell asleep. Today I really need to find a way to help him. Any advice would be massively appreciated he's reluctant to seek help but said he is prepared to attend if only to prove to me there's nothing that will help. Don't really know what I'm asking just needed somewhere to vent

[blueistheonlycolourwefeel]

He has a history of addiction to SSRI's? Can you explain more about this please?
When you take SSRI's, you do have to be weaned off them due to physical symptoms you can get with sudden withdrawal, but if he is so depressed he is considering suicide, then he may need medicating.
He also needs to realise it is an illness, and if he's THAT depressed, it's unlikely he would want to have sex.

[sooperdooper]

I feel for you, my DH also suffers from depression and its so hard

Would he consider talking to a therapist? My DH was referred via his GP and found it really helpful, he had a course of sessions and it really seemed to click with him.

[AngryWildChild]

A few years ago he had a severe injury and was prescribed a cocktail of medication before they realised he would need an operation to rectify the injury's the doctors over Prescribed the medications and he ended up addicted to them, renewing his prescription early, claiming they were lost etc. Doctors then completed stopped the medications without weaning him off and he literally fell apart worst 18 months of our lives. His Drs now won't prescribe any medication under this bracket. DH relies on sex to keep his confidence up and to feel good about himself, always has done. The fact I havent been feeling like it has been a factor in the return of the depression, so now he doesn't want sex as feels disgusting unwanted fat and a failure. Repeatedly tells me that dc and I are better off without him

[TendonQueen]

I can't advise from personal experience but this sounds very hard on you. You are having to cope with a suicidal partner and a very young baby and that is a big ask. I also agree with blue above - desperate times call for desperate measures and if the alternative is harming himself then I don't think medication should be ruled out.

If he's been on SSRIs before, does he have mental health professionals who've dealt with him in the past, and could you contact them as an emergency? You can't sit up with him all night every night with a baby to look after too. It's not his fault he's depressed but he does need to seek and accept proper help for it. It can't all be on you to fix - and especially with the sex thing he needs to understand that making it about that is not on.

[TendonQueen]

Cross posted with your latest. In that case I think he will need help from addiction support services who will have seen situations like this before and be able to advise on how a former addict can be helped with depression, with or without meds.

[AngryWildChild]

How long does it take for a counselling appointment if I can convince him to go?

[Chapsie]

The only way you can help him is to see the GP with him in Monday, outline everything and then insist on a referral to a specialist in psychiatrist. The GP can't just withhold treatment because of past issues with medication. There are all sorts of ways to deal with this type of problem but likely to be beyond the GP remit hence the referral.

[AngryWildChild]

I will call the surgery on Monday and try to get an appointment

[Flangeshrub]

It sounds like he has replaced his drug addiction with a sex addiction. That is NOT okay for YOU though, that is borderline abusive. You can't be expected to have sex for someone else's self esteem.

Also depressed people are never withheld medications that they need including SSRIs although opiates and similar can be 'banned' because of addictions. You need a better doctor/psychiatrist/2nd opinion.

[Aquamarine70]

So sorry to hear that your husband is so unwell. There also also older anti d's like tricyclics that are still used & other ones that are not SSRI's. A psychiatrist would be the best regarding medication as a few can be taken at once which have different effects. He may need a Mood stabiliser as well as an AD.
I hope the Dr is of some help. Depression is very hard on the other partner.

[Smallwoodenstool]

I also don't believe that all medications would always be witheld, were you actually with him when he was told this.

He must stop drinking alcohol. It's a depressant and will make him worse.

I am not saying he is not depressed but be careful of mixing up a persons MH condition and their actual self.

There is no way anyone should feel pressured in to having sex to cure someones illness, this is always totally unacceptable.