Bad time of year for me

[AnnieNoMouse]

I just want to write this here, because I don't want to share in RL.
It's the anniversary of my dad's death and as soon as the clocks go back every year and the day of his anniversary arrives my depression heightens. I've been feeling fine recently (long history of depression, on and off ADs for decades) but since yesterday, bang on cue, I've found myself in a state of melancholy. I'd really like to get into bed and hibernate but am forcing myself not to - did family stuff yesterday, went for a walk in the park this morning, am stealing myself to do some crafting this afternoon. At work rest of week.
The thing is he died decades ago, but this time of year still hits me hard (some years more than others). He had a long and traumatic illness and I was a frightened child whose feelings come back to haunt me on an annual basis (and Halloween doesn't help)
Not sure what I'm trying to say really, just feeling the need to write it down.

[Seriouslyffs]

For you and your lovely Dad.
You've very aware of the trigger and that this time of year is hard- the shorter days and darkness and getting out is exactly the right thing to do. Can you make some plans? Halloween and Guy Fawkes Diwali and Advent are all coming up and you could celebrate them in a way that celebrates your dad and boosts you? Perhaps craft decorations? And maybe next year go away for when the clocks go back, or the week after? You could start researching sunny holidays and make a mood board?

[Lottapianos]

I hear you OP. I absolutely hate this time of year as well. The dark evenings are so miserable. I'm virtually estranged from my family and loathe Christmas for this and many other reasons. I think Halloween makes a lot of people very anxious.

I don't know if you're asking for advice but here are a few things that help me:

• eating as well as I possibly can - tons of fruit and veg and watching the sugar and alcohol
  
• moderate indulgences in seasonal food and drink - sticky puddings, fruit crumbles, red wine
  
• getting as much sleep as I can
  
• early November, I buy a pack of 100 cheapo tea lights and start to light one every evening. I know that when the pack is finished, it will be Spring and the darkness will be almost over, and in the meantime I have a lovely candle to look at every evening
  

Have you ever had professional support for your depression - counsellor, psychotherapist? I see a therapist and have done for several years and its the best thing I've ever done for myself

[AnnieNoMouse]

Thank you so much Seriouslyffs. He was lovely. It's weird but until yesterday the fact that this was this time of year and I find it difficult hadn't even occurred to me - then whoosh! Your ideas are really good. I am currently finishing a quilt for a great niece so will get on with that today, and do some knitting. I had been thinking the same re hols too.

[AnnieNoMouse]

And thank you too Lottaplanos. What a brilliant idea re the candles. I am making an effort with physical health at the moment - trying to cycle or walk and eat better, and doing sewing and knitting is good for me too. Objectively, life is good for the most part
I've had loads of help for depression over the years - these days I can generally cope on citalopram, therapy has definitely helped in the past but I feel I don't want it now. I'm pleased to hear its working for you.
I'll try the candles. I'm not a fan of February either, simply for the fact that it's a month too many in winter, whereas at least autumn can be a beautiful time weather wise.

[Lottapianos]

I started the candles last year and it made a difference. I saw a friend yesterday who also suffers from depression and is grieving and hates this time of year and gave her a pack of candles for herself - she was chuffed I start mine in November but start yours later if it works better for you. I find these little rituals very comforting.

Looking after physical health with food, exercise and sleep is so important