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8 replies

kirstyleighx · 04/10/2015 15:23

I am about to give birth to my second child due in just over 3 weeks and I have recently split with my ex partner who Is father of my first child .it was an abuse and unhealthy relationship resulting in my mother haveing to care for our first child because my emotional health was pretty fragile and i was really younge and couldnt cope.through this pregnancy all ive heard from him was that I shouldn't have been haveing another baby because we dont have our first child back yet and that i was forcing him into haveing another child ect, the thing is I slept with someone els and there are doubts that this baby is not his and he threated to make make my life hell/ kill me if he had found out so because wee don't have our first child and there are still concerns from social work about our relationship and parental capabilities because we both have never had full care of a child they have have done a risk assessments and my unborn child has been placed on the child protection order they are planning on giving him contact and over nights because they don't think I case handel haveing the baby 7 days a week I'm so scared the only people who knows there is a possibility that baby is not his are my parents and there advice is to leave him of the birth certificate and make him take a dna test is this the right thing to do I'm really getting stressed over this x

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NanaNina · 04/10/2015 20:31

This might be better in Relationships as it's not really MH related. But I'm a bit confused - does your mother have the full time care of your first child? You are now on your own as you have split up with your partner - yes? And he is the father of your 1st child......what age is your first child?

I'm not clear what action (if any) social services are taking. If they aren't going to court to get an Order (an Emergency Protection Order or Interim Care Order) they might ask you to sign a S.20 so that the baby can be placed in foster care. This means that you are agreeing to them removing the baby from you. It's not a good idea to agree to this if you want to keep the baby. If they don't have any Order they cannot decide on the arrangements for the baby - that would be for your and your partner to decided. It would be most unusual to swap a newborn baby between mother and father, as this would not be good for the baby.

I think the issue of paternity needs to be sorted once the baby is born and I agree with your parents, you will need a DNA test but I think they are quite costly. I think you should tell the social workers as well. What are the circumstances of the man who could be the father? Is he responsible?

I'm not surprised you are stressed, so tell your midwife and the social workers what is worrying you.

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stuckinahole · 04/10/2015 20:53

DNA test is only £100 & takes seconds to do & you get results back in 5 days (Google DNA genie)

You need to do DNA test for your peace of mind.

I hope everything works out

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kirstyleighx · 04/10/2015 20:54

My mother has a residency order for my 3 year old daughter. And it has already been decided that the baby is put on the child protection and they are talking about doing something called shared care xx

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kirstyleighx · 04/10/2015 20:58

I'm scared the social work are going to be really pissed I didn't tell them there was a possibility of him not being the father I have left him and I've cut all contact with im as the relationship was really abusive x

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NanaNina · 05/10/2015 00:41

Don't worry about the social worker and not telling them about the problem with paternity. They might even pay for the DNA test. Shared care is 2 people caring for the baby - who do they mean - your mom or your ex. If he was abusive it doesn't sound like it's safe for the baby to be left in his care.

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kirstyleighx · 05/10/2015 01:46

My ex partner he lives with his mother so social work see this as a safety factor I just don't like the idea of it all this he dosnt get over nights with our daughter and gets access to her 2 days a week only supervised by his mother x

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NanaNina · 05/10/2015 12:41

Right but you need to tell the social worker's that this baby might not be the ex's child and if that's the case, he won't get contact. Do you think you can care for your baby - do you live alone - have any support- relatives/friends. I think your ex needs to know the baby might not be his as he is likely to be more angry if he finds out at some later stage.

As I said before unless the social workers have a court order they can't make decisions about who cares for the baby. That is sorted out between the parents and if you can't agree it has to go to the family court though you and ex would have to have mediation. Do you know if the social workers have a court Order?

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kirstyleighx · 05/10/2015 20:27

I'm going to tell the social I have doubts at our next core meeting I'm not sure if they have a court order wee sat round the table and had a pre birth child protection hearing.i do feel with support from my parents and services that I would be able to care for my baby I just feel like it's all a big mess because of the situation I got into :(xx