Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

Does motherhood really ever get easier?

(12 Posts)
mummytime01 Mon 28-Sep-15 15:27:23

I'm finding being a mum of 2 so hard! My first born is 4 next month and my baby is 7 mths. I was diagnosed with PND after the first and have never really recovered. I 've just had a recurring depressive episode and am currently taking 40mg of fluoxetine a day. I still don't feel like I'm coping that well but I am a lot better than I was. My consultant has told me she expects me to make a full recovery but I can't see it myself! Every time I've tried to stop anti depressants I've eventually slip back into depression. At the moment, every day is a struggle ( although a lot better than it was). Is motherhood meant to be this hard? I never seem to get on top of anything. There is always housework to do, no matter how much I tidy, clean, wash etc. I feel like I get no time to myself, and when I do get time, I'm so tired I just want to sleep! It just feels relentless at the minute and every day I think to myself ' I can't do this anymore'. I always wanted to be a mum and I think I foolishly thought it would be great but at the moment I really miss just having my own space. I just feel like everyone else is coping much better than I am and that I must be weak or something to have to be on anti depressants.

hiddenhome2 Mon 28-Sep-15 18:37:22

It does get easier, particularly once they start nursery and school. You're going through the toughest time at the moment so it's no wonder you're tired and worn down. The antidepressants can give you a boost and help you cope for the time being. There's nothing wrong with being on them, plenty of people are.

Are a lone parent? Do you have any support or someone who could take over for an hour or two? What sort of things do you like doing if you had a bit of time? Could you go swimming and put the baby into a crèche? - a lot of leisure centres have them now.

Scattymum101 Tue 29-Sep-15 03:06:43

I'm finding the second baby so much harder than the first!!! I didn't have pnd with no1 but pretty sure I have it now. My children are similar ages to yours.
Hope you're ok x

Sheepymooves Tue 29-Sep-15 20:04:08

I have two - 4 and 2. Exactly 24 months between. LOVE, love, love them but it's been brutal for me and DH. You're not alone in finding two hard x

Pigzoom Thu 08-Oct-15 10:34:59

I've got two under 3. And it's so so hard. No time for anything except the relentless caring for them and a few loads of washing a day. My DP and I are struggling. And so are my friends with 2 children

Doyoureckon Thu 08-Oct-15 11:15:09

I think that a lot of (most) people try and save face. It's far tougher than people let on.

Scattymum101 Thu 08-Oct-15 11:16:44

Everyone told me the second baby was easier. I had a real shock.
Everyone told me first babies were very hard so I prepared myself for that and found it fairly easy with one. Then everyone told me second babies were easier than first babies so that set me right up for s fall lol.

Florriesma Thu 08-Oct-15 11:22:59

You could have a 2nd dose of pnd?
It is hard with those ages. 3verything is so relentless and it can seem as though you are expected to be havingthe most wonderful time of your life! Which automatically makes everything seem so much worse.
Mine are older now and I absolutely love being a mum to tweens in a way I could only have dreamed of feeling when they were little. My friend breezed through toddler hood with hers,seemed to always be having fun. Unlike us however she had disposable cash and oodles of help. From parents having dc overnight to Dm doing her ironing and no childcare worries. God i was envious.

MorrisZapp Thu 08-Oct-15 11:23:00

I had awful pnd and fully understand the horrors, the feeling of being trapped and the loss of identity. I'm still on sertraline, five years later.

Would you mind me asking a genuine question? I've often wondered why people who go through what I went through have further children? I know I could not cope with two, I couldn't cope with one.

I'm truly not judging, genuinely interested in this. Tell me to naff off if you like, I realise it's none of my beeswax.

Doyoureckon Thu 08-Oct-15 14:35:07

I had horrendous PND and then baby #2 was a 'surpirse'!

However I do know someone who had postnatal psychosis little over s year ago and is already planning a second.

Getyercoat Thu 08-Oct-15 18:54:38

MorrisZapp I think it depends on the severity and impact of it. It's impossible to quantify PND in terms of what's 'worse' than another case.
I've had friends with PND who took meds, got well and were back at work and planning a second baby within 18 months.

I was hospitalised with PND and drugged off my head after a severe reaction to SSRIs. I don't remember huge chunks of my DC's first 2.5 years. For me, that experience was utterly life changing in a horror film kind of way so PND for me means I'm never ever risking that again.
Off all meds now and never want to go back on them knowing how my brain reacted to them last time.

Others maybe were lucky to get relief from meds or counselling quickly and bounced back within months rather than years.

Doyoureckon Thu 08-Oct-15 21:06:41

Getyer - severe reaction for me too. Will NEVER touch them again. Just had one.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now