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Depressed and scared about the way I look

(6 Posts)
paul63209 Tue 08-Sep-15 19:08:55

I am a 22 year old man and I am worried and scared about the way my face looks. I worry that I am not just ugly but beyond that - a hideous disgusting monster. I want to die.

I believe this because of horrible pictures that I have seen of myself. I know everybody has pictures that they don't like but this is different. They really are from the absolute pits of hell, beyond anything you can even imagine. I've seen some nice ones as well.

I have bad acne scarring and my face is asymmetrical.

It make me feel this horrible cold dark feeling that is so bad that there are no words to describe it. I feel that I am not like other people. I feel insecure around other guys my own age. It makes believe that I should hide away and never be seen.

I saw 4 councillors in my mid teens and when I said 'I am worried that I am ugly' I expected them to say 'don't worry you look fine' but they didn't. They all thought I was hideously ugly but were too afraid to say. They would say 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' instead to avoid answering the question. It's like that awkward moment when a fat person says that they are fat. It must be bad if 4 professional people that are supposed to help my mental health think I look disgusting and I have every right to feel this way. In recent years people have said I look OK though.

My Mum tells me that It's all in my head and that there is nothing wrong with the way I look. She has told me to be extroverted and to go out socially, meet new people and challenge my beliefs. I have done this recently and I have shifted my thoughts to positive ones like 'everybody I met today smiled at me and seemed pleasant, they didn't look away in disgust, I must look normal' or 'that person asked if I have a girlfriend so it can't be that bad. It feels great but when I think of those horrible pictures and the councillors I worry that it is a false feeling of happiness and that I'm forcing myself to believe in something that isn't true.

I hope you can understand how I feel, it's very difficult to describe.

Thank you for listening. Any advice?

MerdeAlor Tue 08-Sep-15 19:43:54

Listen, you are a handsome young man, without a doubt. You are lacking in confidence and self belief though. You sound wracked with self doubt.
You can't force self belief and confidence but you are doing the right thing by getting out there socially and thinking positive thoughts. Keep on doing what you're doing.

For your own benefit, please consider asking MNHQ to delete your post. The photos of you are so identifiable and this is an anonymous forum.

Chairmanofthebored Tue 08-Sep-15 19:46:06

I don't have much advice except to say I'm pretty sure counsellors are trained to remain neutral and not give their opinions either way so I wouldn't take their non comments as confirmation of how you look.
I guess it's probably been suggested you are suffering with body dismorphia, so it will be hard for you to believe positive comments people make about your appearance. Your brain is distorting what your eyes see in the mirror. To perservere with the counselling would be beneficial to you I'm sure.
Good luck, you, like everyone deserve to be happy.

Chairmanofthebored Tue 08-Sep-15 19:47:45

Of course, you should definitely take the above advice to remove your pics! Repost without pics if you need more support though.

wfrances Wed 09-Sep-15 13:47:45

as previous poster said
theres nothing wrong with your face, its your mind that thinks its ugly.
its a known condition ,but cant really advise as its one i dont know anything about personally.

have you been directed to a therapist ,as i think talking therapies and medication are the treatments.
check out the MIND website , lots of info about it on there.
have you actually been diagnosed?

paul63209 Wed 09-Sep-15 17:55:46

Thank you everybody. I really hope you are all right and that everything is fine. It's funny that how you think affects what you think the world around you is like. I could believe that:

A. I am the most ugly disgusting person that has ever lived and I should be ashamed.


B. I look normal and everything is fine.

I know which one I prefer. I fear there will always be a part of me that believes theory A could be true. How can I trust theory B completely?

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