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Dealing with depression when life is 'perfect'

(11 Posts)
SamBlackCrow Mon 17-Aug-15 17:14:37

My new cpn, and other professionals, keep expressing surprise at the fact I have a supportive husband, big nice house and lovely kids. They keep telling me I'm lucky to have so many supportive and protective factors. I know they mean it helpfully but it just makes me feel worse. I know I don't deserve the life I've got and tbh I think that's the root of my depression. I also have borderline personality disorder, or at least that's what they keep telling me.

If you have a life that is or should be perfect and you don't feel real or worthy of it, do you find that mh professionals are a bit dismissive of your depression? I can't work out whether I'm paranoid or justified in feeling like they think I should just get over it (it being wanting to die) as I seem to have everything.

CycleChic Mon 17-Aug-15 20:27:39

The old saying is "if you don't have your health, you don't have anything "- I think that goes at least double for mental health.

They're being massively unhelpful - I used to torture myself with similar thoughts of "I have a good, comfortable life, what do I have to complain about " until I got it into my thick skull that my dissatisfaction with the many blessings I had was in itself evidence that there was something wrong with my brain chemistry.
You are worthy of any happiness, but it strikes me that perhaps something about your "perfect " life is wrong for you?

NanaNina Tue 18-Aug-15 00:54:15

Totally unhelpful and ridiculous things for CPNs to be saying - my friend told me that the first thing the CPN said to her daughter who was severely depressed was "I wouldn't be depressed if I had a house like this...." FFS! And that's the so called professionals. Having said that I have a lovely CPN who would never make such cross comments.

NanaNina Tue 18-Aug-15 00:54:49

sorry I meant crass comments!

SamBlackCrow Tue 18-Aug-15 08:52:10

Thank you both. That's almost exactly what several of the crisis team staff said when they visited me here for a month, how can you be depressed with such a beautiful house.

So unhelpful because feeling unworthy and undeserving of everything I have is a huge part of how I feel at the moment. When my new cpn asked about husband and family and I said my dh is very suoportive she looked a bit shocked and said, well you'll be fine then in no time. I felt a bit like she was dismissing how I feel because I have good things in my life.

Never mind that I'm ruining all the good things and the pressure of having them is immense!

QuiteLikely5 Tue 18-Aug-15 08:59:02

Gosh reading your post makes me so angry! These so called professionals seem to know bloody nothing! How patronising of them.

Anyway I suffer too. I'm on no medication.

I researched a lot and my conclusion was I have very bad PMDD. Please google that and have a look.

Also exercise and eating unprocessed food does work.

Sugar intake affects hormones massively and some women are more sensitive to it than others.

I don't exercise regularly or live by a strict diet but these things help me when I'm really on the edge.

I was on meds a while ago but they were so contradictory. For anything good they did, they also did something bad, like massive weight gain.

Don't give up getting well. Sadly it is down to you because as we both found out the professionals are rubbish!

Good luck flowers

Wolfiefan Tue 18-Aug-15 09:03:05

Would a doctor say to someone with diabetes they can't possibly be that bad because they have a lovely house.
If you are ill then you are ill.
Maybe they deal with lots of people with unsupportive partners or huge money issues and they are just relieved you aren't in that situation.
It sucks. But you can get better.

foolonthehill Tue 18-Aug-15 09:09:38

I think these mental health "professionals" are confusing unhappiness with depression.

One is a state of mind which is often (but not always) easily fixed by life and circumstances and sometimes leads into depression. The other Depression is an illness with biochemical origins that people may have regardless of circumstances.

i am glad you have the support and life that you have, I hope it means that you are loved and cherished through this horrible illness. I know it does not mean that all in your life is fine.

BTW you are neither unworthy not undeserving of the life you have you do not deserve your illness and I truly hope and trust that you will find your way through and out to health and happiness.

SamBlackCrow Tue 18-Aug-15 09:11:28


Rivercam Tue 18-Aug-15 09:51:37

So you can only be depressed if you are poor and live in a rundown house? What utter tosh! Depression is an illness and anyone can 'catch' it.

Please look after yourself. Go back to your gp and speak to them. Maybe they can suggest an alternative course of treatment, or a different organisation that can help you. Alternatively, contact a self help group and speak to one of their counsellors.

I don't know why you feel you don't deserve he life you have, but you do.

I hope you find some constructive help,soon, and start to feel better.

SamBlackCrow Tue 18-Aug-15 10:19:14

Thank you. I'm actually getting really good care, stupid comments notwithstanding. I was under the crisis team for a month and they came in almost every day, then it was an acute outpatient and attended three times a week and now I have a named CPN who sees me once a week. I'm on an antidepressant and an antipsychotic (which has made me hugely fat) and I'm going to have counselling when they've sorted my diagnosis out.

I could just do without the seemingly constant reminders that I have everything to live for! I know they mean well but it seems shortsighted.

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