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I'm miserable and I don't want to be.

(6 Posts)
Linnielou5 Wed 05-Aug-15 17:03:50

Please can someone help, I'm a sham to 3 kids and I feel so unhappy all the time. I gave up my last job after I had my 3rd (he's almost 2) with the intention of finding another job when he turned 1 as my middle one would have started school so childcare would be cheaper etc but I've still not got a job and I hate to say it but I don't enjoy being a sahm, I've forgotten who I am, it's knocking my confidence too, when I'm looking for jobs I don't apply for them as I think where's the point I wouldn't get it anyway. I used to work in clerical roles but my last job was a cleaner but Ive no confidence in even applying for these jobs where as a few years ago I would apply for anything. I feel sorry for my kids as I never smile with them, I just cook clean and moan. My husband doesn't understand so there's no point in talking with him. I just want the old happy me back, the one that went out to work, enjoyed being with my family, had confidence and loved!!!

H3 Wed 05-Aug-15 19:40:51

Hi, not been on MN for a while but was feeling a bit like you are & found your thread. I'm a SAHM with 3 DC & feel like I've lost myself really. When I had DC1 I gave up work (9 years ago!) but have lost my confidence because of this. My youngest is 3 but will start school in a year so I need to do something. It's boring, lonely & hard work being a SAHM sometimes! Just wanted to let you know you're not the only one x Maybe you should just apply for all the jobs anyway & if you get an interview then that's great, think of it as practise for the next interview even if you don't get the job?

Linnielou5 Wed 05-Aug-15 20:07:23

Hiya, thank you for your reply. Your right it is lonely, boring and hard work, my youngest especially makes it hard work as he just isn't a contented little boy, always crying and wanting my attention, I've totally run out of ideas to entertain him which has made me resent being a sahm even more, my other 2 just bicker and whine too, I feel I just can't do it anymore. The trouble is there isn't many suitable jobs around regarding hours as most seem to require flexibility which I can't be as I've no family local to help out. I know a job will help me get my confidence back I just don't know what to do in the meantime, I feel trapped!

H3 Thu 06-Aug-15 09:45:57

The reason I don't work is because we don't have any family to help & it really does limit your options without paying for childcare which then seems pointless! Is it harder at the moment because it's the school holidays? My now 3 year old was such a whinger & it is soul destroying but she is so much better now so hopefully your 2 year old is nearly there too! Does your husband help? Can you focus on something else instead of a job for now? Finding a group, getting fit or can you view your SAHM 'job' as important? So think what would you do if you were a nanny for someone else?! Are you good at anything? Maybe you could sell it? Just ideas but I do know how you feel & sympathise x

ewanhoozami Thu 06-Aug-15 09:53:48

Just wanted to say bloody well done for recognising how you're feeling and wanting to put a plan in place to do something about it. I've been where you are and it can be a vicious circle of can't do it / won't do it.

Can you do a course to regain some confidence in your brainpower? Because I promise you it's in there. Coursera offer free online short courses from universities in really engaging subjects.

Be kind to yourself though, and don't be hard on yourself if something you try doesn't work out or you just don't enjoy it.

Now I just need to take my own advice grin

Linnielou5 Tue 11-Aug-15 08:02:32

Hiya, sorry not had a chance to come back on, thanks for your replies again. Husband does help when he gets home but I do feel that his iPhone has something more important than comforting his crying toddler most nights!! I am trying to look at the positives of being a sahm with it being the school holidays and thinking how I've been able to take the kids places etc but tbh I'm dreading the schools going back as its back to the school run and the toddler groups with wee one and I've got friends who only work term time and I'm so jealous that they're going back to work! I have been thinking about some confidence building classes and I'm planning on going to the library later in the week to see what info I can get on courses. I just hate this worthless feeling I get.x

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