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(5 Posts)
Scaredofmyownshadow Sun 02-Aug-15 02:56:04

I struggle a lot of smells, but don't usually know it until it happened.
I have a major fear of me smelling bad and I do overcompensate with body lotions, perfumes, deodorants, in the house I have loads of plug ins and when the cats not about then I can have candles on.

On Friday my psychologist brought in herbs/essential oils for me to smell to see if I could find a comfort one, but in reality I have been triggered big time.

There was a smell, a musty foresty smell that reminded me of my dad, he would smell like that when he had come back of exercise, his army uniform smelt the same, the places he used to take me smelt like that, but up until then it hadn't been a real smell, but now it is.

It's all over my hands, my handbag, my clothes. I've scrubbed my hands and arms with bleach in the hope the smell will go, I've tried toothpaste, kitchen and bathroom cleaner and nothing has got rid of it, it's making me be sick and have horrendous flashbacks.

I feel so stupid that a simple task that was supposed to help me has made things go so wrong.

My cpn and psychologist are both off next week so I can't talk to them and I told the crisis team today that I didn't need the anymore and they accepted that if I phone them if I'm feeling worse but I all talked out, can't manage to put the right words in a sentence that makes sense.

I hope this makes sensesad

Butterflywings168 Sun 02-Aug-15 03:30:53

Oh honey. That was an idiotic thing for your psych to do. Sorry you were triggered thanks

Scaredofmyownshadow Sun 02-Aug-15 04:13:07

I'll give her her due she wasn't to know it was going to go wrong, she thought she could find something that would help, I think it's me that's the issue,
I'm just a mess, never seem to get anything right and if I'm honest it shows me what a mess I am in.

elementofsurprise Sun 02-Aug-15 17:22:52

I think it's me that's the issue, I'm just a mess, never seem to get anything right

It's not you getting things wrong, you're just unwell/struggling at the moment. That is not a reflection on you as a person, just what you're dealing with atm.
If you have used all those cleaning products then the smell has probably gone and unfortunately the flashback smell remains. It feels very real, but it is not, and you are safe now. There is no need for you to feel stupid, you need to look after yourself after this very unfortunate and distressing incident flowers

Scaredofmyownshadow Mon 03-Aug-15 01:14:00

I feel so sad, I'm not going to see my kids grow up.
They talk about their birthdays and Christmas but I just want to scream at them to shut up, don't make this harder.
I tried to phone the out of hours cpns tonight but I couldn't even get my name out so I hung up on them.
It's just a mess, I'm a mess, with nothing left to give sad

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