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Health Anxiety

(19 Posts)
Jo4040 Sat 01-Aug-15 16:52:08

I am sure that Health anxiety has been talked about lots, but I am fairly new to MN and just need to get this out.

When I was eleven I got a dog. This dog was my life. I lived for this dog, I came home from school everyday to okay and walk him for miles. When I was 15 I met my BF and he soon fell in love with my dog and we almost became the new 'Famous 3!'. I am still with this person now nealry ten years later.

When my dog turned six, he became very poorly, had vets appointments for weeks until one day the vatal time came when I had to say goodbye. I carried him down our path, put him in the car, turned around and never breathed another word about him for two years. I avoided conversation about animals and even stopped my directed Debits to dog trust and the RSPCA.

Around a year later my sister inlaw was diagnosed with breast cancer. There was talks in my family if new diets. B17 rich foods etc. I immediately cut out all bad food from my diet and too this day have massive issues with white bread, beer, crisp n chocolate etc.

Two years later I became pregnant. I secretly went to two clairvoyants to try to find my dog because deep down I needed to move on because I was expecting my first child (a little boy). Not sure how much good this did me as a dog did come through both times but the descriptions wernt v good. By this time I had visited the GP around ten times in the last year with various concerns. Had break dowsdows dows in GP waiting rooms, even called myself a ambulance because I was always dizzy and I thought I had a brain tumour.

I had my DS and this is when worrying about my health stepped up again. I was put on tablets, given counciling sessions. But I lied at the counciling sessions saying I was getting better because basically I felt daft and really didn't like the attention from the councilor and I didn't want her spending her time thinking of how to help me and her starting to feel like she wasn't being very good at her job. (She was only young and only a couple of years qualified).

Iv gone on for the past four years now worrying about numerous things. Googling, looking for reassurance from others, asking opinions. I would need to start a new thread to write down exactly what I have worried about. I worry about my mum and dad dying. They are in there late sixties now. Every time my phone rings I jump out of my skin and touch the answer button thinking its a phone call to say one if then has died.

I can't sit still. I fidget, if I'm still I feel like food inside me is going stagnent and will turn into cancer or heart disease. My house looks like a show home bcz I am constantly moving about cleaning.I walk af fast as I can and push my pram like a maniac (iv just had another baby seven months ago) so that my heart beats really fast. I can't lie in bed or sit still. I have to be up dressed and feeling fresh and moving around.

My cycles have been irregular since having my baby and this has driven me crazy. I received a letter in feburary explaining that my first smear was due. Reciciening thisetter is something I have worried about for years and since February sent me into a panic. I had it in July and the results came back as normal. Since the day I had my smear and recieving the letter I hardly ate and I craved just to lie in bed and sleep. I had a panic attack the other day in the middle if a castle we was visiting because I received a phone call saying my appointment with the gyno had been moved to a later date because the clinic can not run on the date they had originally given me. My OH had to lock me in the fuckin dungeon whilst I sobbed and rocked so my DS didn't see. Being locked in the dungeon sounds funny, but believe me I know how the old prisoners back then would have bleeding felt.

GP put me on tablets other week again but they did nothing. I persisted with them for three weeks but I really don't want to become addicted because I really do have the capabilities for this to happen to me.

I went out with my friend last night and got v drunk. I never do this, but after the first drink I liked not worrying. I didn't feel my breast, go to the toilet checking for blood in my underwear, and I even slepted with my OH when I got back and didn't check for any bleeding afterwards. However we. I got back I did hysterically crying into his arms apparently and sobbed telling him how fed up I am of worrying. I remember lieing on the rug and howling. My friend had to put me in a taxi early because I had hurredous belly ache, which tbh I think is because she told me her aunty had pantriatic cancer.

I don't think (yet) my DS is being affected by my anxiety. I am very very good at hiding it. My friends don't know how I feel, I can only describe it as a radio in the back of my mind shouting WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF. I feel like everyone brains have a number of doors. These doors get opened now and again but can be shut. My 'worrying about health' door is wide open. I suppose I am a bit if a worryier about other things, money, what people think of me but nothing like this. Since receiving my smear letter saying the results were normal I have manically spent a bomb on my house. My back garden looks like something out if a magazine.

I said its not affecting my DS, however actually he said to my OH this morning. 'Let's have a panic attack!!'.

Oh shit, what a mess.

Jo4040 Sat 01-Aug-15 16:53:19

Omg. That's long. I just typed. I dont think iv sat that still to type for ages. Probs coz iv got a bloody hang over.

Jo4040 Sat 01-Aug-15 17:18:46

Even if noone replys its nice to type all this out.

I am scared if germs and hate mess

I have a brilliant sence of humour and if I had the confidence could make people belly laugh. When I am having a good day, I stupidly funny at home. I turn into my alto ego for my kids (A wicked witch, another alto ego is a funny voice I do. It's that funny I'm sure I could be the voice of a cartoon, its of a grumpy old man who is never happy)

I never watched TV sat still. I'm either irioning for the movement or dashing around the house with one eye on it.

I love to look clean and tidy and fresh and for my children to look like this. But I also like to see them a mess at the end if the day. Their germs don't worry me for some reason.

I try to be the best friend I can to people.

Iv got a good job and love it but worrying and low confidence hinders me and I never show my full potential. In fact I'm probably the weakest in my team, but I know that if I could just have the confidence I could infact be the strongest. It's true. The quiet ones really are the ones to watch.

gemsparkle84 Sat 01-Aug-15 19:51:12

Hi JOJO. At work at the moment and don't have time to reply properly but I too worry about health anxiety. It is very severe for me. Please know you're not alone. Xx

crabapple34 Sun 02-Aug-15 18:17:53

Hi jo, I suffer with health anxiety too. It really is awful, the constant worrying dragging you down.
What pills did the doctor give you?

ArgyMargy Sun 02-Aug-15 18:24:22

This doesn't sound like health anxiety, it sounds as though you have a mental health issue that needs proper assessment. There's quite a lot in your post that makes absolutely no sense at all. You don't sound amusing, you sound quite unwell. I would go back to your GP and show them this post, if nothing else.

Jo4040 Sun 02-Aug-15 19:20:34

Trust me, its health anxiety, iv functioned just fine today apart from that nagging what if thought at back of my mind.

Just was therapeutic typing it all out (on my rubbish phone might I add) yesterday.
I suppose I just wrote what I feel and yh reading it back it does sound like someone who is loosing it, but I assure you I'm not
Just feeling very anxious and fed up about it really.

Jo4040 Sun 02-Aug-15 19:32:58

Oh sorry, She gave me Sertraline but they did nothing. However I was going through a really bad phase of worrying about a certain thing when I was on them, stopped them when I didn't need to worry anymore. Maybe they would be more useful when I'm not directly worrying about a particular thing. It does bring me down. My baby had a runny nise before and looks heavy eyes and I didn't inwardly deal with it like alot of others would.

Me2you Tue 11-Aug-15 20:47:33

I feel the same as you it's horrendous isn't it. Just constant allday, you can just lool at other people and see there not worrying like us they are relaxed and cam just get on with life. I too started sertraline I think they take quite a while to work... After about 2 months infect better but it didn't last. Im om 50mg an need to go up to 100 buy im worried about 1 side affect mainly. But I know medication isn't the only option but I do believe it can work.

MrsOs Thu 13-Aug-15 09:13:19

Your not alone atall, I'm suffering too at the moment, worrying about my blocked ears, got in such a state that I gave myself anxiety attacks, with tingling fingers etc etc.. now obsessed with my eye floaters. It's crazy. I've just started seeing a counsellor and doctor wanted to put me on anti depressants but I refused. I'm fed up constantly worrying about things.. I'm trying my very best to just get on with life.. but it's hard. xx

Me2you Thu 13-Aug-15 11:40:49

I've also got floaters arnt they horrible & certainly make anxiety worse! People say you stop noticing them but god knows how!

MrsOs Thu 13-Aug-15 11:47:12

I have been obsessed with mine and it has been hard but I have decided to just try and get on with things. recognise they are there but don't react to them. It was the reacting to them that was making things worse. It's a vicious circle, you dwell on them and they make you anxious.. which makes your anxiety worse which means you notice them more.. so I am trying to break the cycle. They have only started bothering me since getting so anxious over my health! I need to feel normal again, I lived with them before so am telling myself I can again!

Me2you Thu 13-Aug-15 12:24:11

There not nice. .. I understand what you mean about it being a vicious cycle you think about them so you see them more. I actually got mine in the middle of my anxiety I was already very anxious them they came!! But yes there are worse things we could have... I keep thinking about enquiring about that laser surgery what they can do now.

Mrs43andcounting Sun 16-Aug-15 15:09:34

Hi Another sufferer here .... It's truly awful a living hell .. It never goes from me , will I ever have peace in my head from health anxiety ...
How is everyone else today ?

NanaNina Sun 16-Aug-15 18:37:03

Argymargy - health anxiety is a mental illness! So sorry for all of you suffering. I've suffered in the past but episodically, and I seem (at the age of 71) to have "grown out of it" though I do suffer from depression which is severe at times and to a lesser extent anxiety.

I think health anxiety is really anxiety that is focussed on a particular thing - health. Sorry that sounds facile I know and very obvious but anxiety can be focussed on other things in life and can cause the same kind of distress, so really it's getting the right treatment for anxiety that is the key. And of course Dr Google is not your friend - really not - please stay away - hard I know but that's one way you can begin to help yourself a little.

I have a sister who has suffered health anxiety for many years and as soon as she "gets over" one thing, she is onto the next thing and she is always googling her symptoms and scaring herself silly. I've threatened to take her lap top away but I know she'd just use her phone. Sorry I don't mean to sound unkind, I just know that googing is making her so much worse.

Kangaroosjump Sun 16-Aug-15 18:44:46

I suffer too. Would reading something like the GAPS book relieve fear of germs? (Very pro probiotic) and ultimately suggests a way people can recover their health.

I found it empowering but I can see it could feed fears depending on which way you look at it

Mrs43andcounting Sun 16-Aug-15 18:51:19

Nana , yes Google is not your friend , iv gone cold turkey on googling for just over a week , I have been looking up help instead a psychologist therapist to try see if I can get help , as iv tried CBT and it's really not helped very much .
Anxiety is awful I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone

NanaNina Sun 16-Aug-15 20:06:09

Well done for going cold turkey on google Mrs43 - baby steps..............way to go......can you afford any private therapy?

Mrs43andcounting Sun 16-Aug-15 20:32:36

Thank you , well the CBT was NHS and in now seeking other therapy more brain related I hope / think ... Iv looked in line and found a few that are quite reasonable privately ... Awesome in a posh private hospital ridiculous money .... So trying to find someone inbetween ... Talking about it all is helpful just getting it out there rather than in my head and having someone objective is helpful to as in my thoughts I can't see sometimes just how irrational my head can be .. For me it's utterly real terrifying and scary ...

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