School holidays and depression/anxiety has returned

[Loveisashadow]

I had a psychotic episode and depression last year. After much messing about with medication, we found the right doses and I've been improving for the past 4/6 months. Only now the holidays are here and I'm looking after one dd, aged 7, on my own, my depression is making an unwelcome return. Everything I do there is something to feel guilty about. She spends a lot of time with friends because I can't cope with her and feel as though I'm doing everything wrong/ stupidily lonely. I am trying my very, very best but the anxiety and lowness just keeps coming . I feel as though I am failing at everything and don't know what to do.
Sometimes, I think it would be better to ask friends to adopt/foster dd full time as I'm so worthless. I haven't got many people to help- DD's Dad died last year (my ex) and I haven't got any money to put her in holiday club or anything (am on benefits).
My Cpn is off sick and despite promising to, they haven't replaced her so I'm really really stuck.

[HereInMyHead]

Hi Loveisashadow,

First of all I want to say a big well done for reaching out. I can really relate to your situation. I had a depressive/ anxiety episode in May, recovered from that and, now that the holidays are here, I appear to be having a relapse. So scary. I am looking after a 7 year old too.

I don't really have any words of wisdom other than be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can do given the circumstances. Your daughter loves you whatever mental state you're in. Believe me, I know it is tough, but can you try and do just one thing a day with your daughter? Maybe something simple like colouring? I find it helps with the anxiety.

Remember that depression LIES to you. It tells you that there is no hope, that your child is better off without you and that no one cares about you. This is not true, it is a symptom of your illness, not reality.


I hope you find some peace soon xx

[Loveisashadow]

Thank you for the reply. It is so hard not only having depression, but feeling so alone too. I do as much as I can with my dd everyday- she likes arts, crafts and colouring yes. I am just finding being around her constantly and the pressure of having to be a good parent all of the time very challenging. I actually haven't spent that much time with her alone as I get scared of being on my own with her and feel even more pressured with her.

She has been staying with friends a lot and at the moment I am thinking that she will be better off there. :/