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should I have told him this?

(13 Posts)
broadbeanstew Thu 23-Jul-15 11:46:25

Just had initial assessment appointment for CBT. One of the questions was whether I had ever harmed myself, and I told him that I had taken an overdose 15 years ago when I was going through some problems at uni. It was silly, it was a cry for help, my flatmate took me to the hospital and all was fine.

He asked a lot of questions about it, and a lot about whether I ever thought about harming myself now, to which the answer was a definite no. I am seeing him for depression, brought on by the end of my marriage.

I'm a single parent and now I'm panicking that they could see this as my children being at risk. Am I worrying over nothing? I wish I hadn't mentioned it, it was so long ago and not relevant to my problems now at all.

broadbeanstew Thu 23-Jul-15 16:44:46


chocolatechip123 Thu 23-Jul-15 16:47:54

He is a therapist? You have confidentiality unless he believes you are going to commit a crime which you obviously aren't.

He has to be thorough and ask questions but should've reassured you that he was doing his background info on you.

broadbeanstew Thu 23-Jul-15 17:26:32

It was through the NHS, he did say about confidentiality at the beginning, that he would only break confidentiality if he thought I was a risk to myself or others. He just kept asking me loads of questions about if I had suicidal thoughts, if I knew where to get help if I did have suicidal thoughts, despite me saying it was a one off silly mistake years ago and I am not suicidal at all. I just keep worrying whether it's somehow flagged me up as being 'at risk' or that he thinks my DC are at risk.

chocolatechip123 Thu 23-Jul-15 17:36:02

He has to ask, and you were honest with him. You wouldn't be speaking to him if everything was hunky dory! He was just being thorough and making sure that if you did feel bad again you knew where to go for help. You wont be getting the ss ringing your doorbell.

Wolfiefan Thu 23-Jul-15 17:43:28

You did the right thing. He asked questions to check that you really don't have those feelings now. He's just doing his job.
Your children are absolutely not at risk from you feeling this way years ago. Having asked his questions he now knows this.

TheoriginalLEM Thu 23-Jul-15 17:54:39

Please try not to worry - The minute you mention a suicide attempt or self harm they do tend to focus on it for a while. And thats a good thing, because they really want to know if you are at risk now. You have been honest with him and you are not at risk - so that is good. I have made similar disclosures and also felt suicidal whilst having therapy and it never ever resulted in concerns being raised. Despite suicide ideation and self harm.

I found that after the initial assesment for CBT it very much focused on the here and now and giving me coping strategies and challenged my perceptions of low self esteem. Things happened to me as a teenager that i could have spent loads of time poring over but its about now. So once it was out there, as background, it wasn't directly mentioned again. It was good to tell my therapist about it as it gave him insight. He didn't pull any punches and was the best therapist ive had.

broadbeanstew Thu 23-Jul-15 18:06:18

Thank you all, that makes me feel a bit better. TheoriginalLEM do you have DC? One of my problems is anxiety and now I'm just feeling more anxious thinking of all the things I told him that make me look like a bad mother.

TheoriginalLEM Thu 23-Jul-15 18:24:06

I have two children yes, one was a baby when i had terrible PND and was suicidal. Fast tracked for counselling twice and on ADs, sleeping tablets and diazepam - never ever have concerns been raised over my parenting.

You are NOT a bad mother, you are unwell but taking steps to get better.

broadbeanstew Thu 23-Jul-15 22:08:53

Thanks for sharing Theoriginal I hope you are in a better place now. I've got a follow up phone appointment in 2 weeks, when apparently they will tell me what the next steps are. I still feel worried about it though, I haven't talked about it in years, I just wish I hadn't told him.

TheoriginalLEM Thu 23-Jul-15 22:11:41

I think most people regret opening up to their therapists in the first instance, its opening a can of worms you may not want to revisit, like you say, it may well not be relevant to what you need to discuss now, and if it isn't a good therapist will leave it alone.

NanaNina Thu 23-Jul-15 23:30:13

broadbean please stop worrying about telling this therapist something that happened 15 years ago.....I am a retired sw with a career spanning some 30 years all in Children's Services, and there is absolutely NO way that anyone is going to think you are a risk to your children because of having depression or because you overdosed 15 years ago - I am 100% certain about that.

Hello Lem (nice to see you) anyway back to broadbean I'm not so sure that it was appropriate for this therapist to be quite so interested in something that happened so long ago. As Lem says CBT is about the "here and now" not the "then and there" - don't forget it's your agenda - the therapist role is to manage the therapeutic process. You need to feel comfortable and safe with a therapist, so if there are things about this therapist that make you uncomfortable then say so. Having said that therapy isn't meant to be comfortable, but CBT is not like psycho dynamic therapy where you are encouraged to talk about your early childhood etc.

My CPN did some CBT with me but she admitted she'd only done a course on it and wasn't an expert. Like a fool I paid £70 (!!) to a private CBT therapist - a bloke - who spent the first 20 mins going through everything I'd told him in the e mail...........and he was rubbish, absolutely rubbish. He said to me that it was no good me trying to raise my self esteem, it needed to come from others and gave as an example "your husband saying your bum looks good in that dress" ..............I kid you not. I was so astonished I thought I must have misheard him and was unusually tongue tied. I found him creepy and was glad to leave after 50 mins. I e mailed him later telling him what I thought and asking if he really did make that comment, and he didn't reply. There are some funny buggers about I tell you!

broadbeanstew Thu 23-Jul-15 23:55:28

NanaNina thank you, that's really reassuring. I just want some help to cope with all the pressures in my life now, as a working single parent, which are making me anxious, that's all. I think from what I've heard CBT might be good for that. This was supposed to be just an initial assessment meeting, I got the feeling he was asking set questions to fill boxes.

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