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Childhood abuse

(7 Posts)
Gra74 Wed 22-Jul-15 01:20:49

In my 40's, still struggle with effects of abuse. Not confronted family members, feel I need to in a way. Anyone on here dealt with this?

elementofsurprise Wed 22-Jul-15 11:23:03

Don't have any direct experience, but have you ever talked this through with a therapist/counsellor? That's probably the best thing to do first.
I do have piss poor experience of NHS mental health services and would suggest trying to see a therapist privately if at all possible - for waiting times if nothing else.

I'm sure more knowledgeable/helpful MNers will be along soon smile

LadyVape Wed 22-Jul-15 11:32:56

Nearly two years back I outed my family member abuser. I also cut off every family member that knew I was being abused as a child and did nothing about it, every family member that stuck by him.

It was the best thing I did. For years I had been very unstable, struggled to cope with things in my head, had no self esteem.

I have now had counselling, established on antidepressants, about to get married, have a great job and feel like I've started a whole new life. One without the secrets, the pain and the feeling of being tainted in some way.

If you choose to confront, please make sure you have support for yourself. It's one of the most painful, but also the most healing things I have done. I basically found the voice I was never given as a child.

Gra74 Wed 22-Jul-15 13:22:45

I feel my throat tighten at the thought of confronting them, but avoid family because I wonder who knew and feel sick when near the ones involved. I fear complete rejection and the family moving on without me but as I don't really feel part of it, I'm not sure I am losing anything other than the tiny glimmer of hope that I might get some love and support. But I know that won't happen, so I wonder would it take a weight off by expressing how I feel

Gra74 Wed 22-Jul-15 13:24:22

Thanks for replying! Hoped might get someone who'd dealt with this to give me another view point, much appreciated

Pulledapart Wed 22-Jul-15 13:47:51

I've never told my family about my childhood abuse and they are none the wiser. Many times I have thought about telling them but I worry about the effect of it coming out on my parents health. They are both quite elderly and have various health issues. There is no chance of me ever coming in contact with the abuser as lives in a completely different country so no closure there. I'm working through the abuse in therapy at the moment and it's the toughest thing I've done to date.

I always wonder what my life will be like if I did come out with it and confront it but tbh I don't see it making a positive difference. However that is me personally. From what you have said I think in your circumstances it will be helpful to confront it. As ladyvape said please do make sure you have support for yourself before saying anything. I can imagine it to be a very horrible experience but on the other hand it may help you to move on with your life. HTH.

Gra74 Wed 22-Jul-15 15:11:25

It's always been in my mind, but somehow in the last year, probably because one of them is back within the family fold as popular and being supported through a separation, "poor bloke". But also because every day on the TV or radio child abuse seems to be mentioned, whether it's a new celebrity being convicted or one of those truly horrific Rotherham type cases. A happy day can change with one news bulletin.
I had a few sessions of counselling many years ago but I didn't want to talk about the past, I would like help and strategies to deal with the present and future but not sure if that would have to be cognitive behaviour which is not available locally on NHS, don't think I could afford long term private.
It just effects every part if my life, confidence, self esteem, crippling anxiety,and times of feeling very down. But I have fought it, some days stronger than others. I see them flourishing,in their own lives and as part of the family and hate them all the more, though I know that's not a productive emotion

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