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Need to talk this through. Fight or Flight. Or neither. (May be triggering)

(3 Posts)
fuzzpig Sat 18-Jul-15 23:20:56

I am really shaken up by something that happened yesterday and I can't get it out of my head.

Was at a small station yesterday with my two DCs. It was pretty quiet. I noticed a man swaying over the edge of the platform - I thought he looked drunk. I just kind of... I don't know, observed. I froze. Even when I noticed people on the train on the other platform looking at him, obviously worried.

A teenage girl walked up to him and gently grabbed his t-shirt and pulled him back, about 10 seconds before a fast train went by. There is no doubt at all it would've hit him. She and her friend sat him down and talked to him, I heard him saying how everyone hated him etc. I went out of earshot and phoned the police (unstaffed station so there was nobody else). They arrived really fast and helped him through it. I told the girl she was amazing - because she really had been. She had put a brave face on while he was there, but was really shaken up. I hope she can be proud of herself though, she saved a life.

I keep thinking about what would've happened if those girls weren't there. I feel horrifically guilty. I can't even say it was because I didn't want to get involved due to risk to my DCs - that wasn't it. I just didn't move.

It brought back so many memories of how I just freeze in bad situations. I have never felt like the 'fight or flight' adrenaline response really fitted me. I don't do either. I just give up. I have never screamed (I don't know how) or tried to run away in any situation. Even when I got swept out to sea and nearly drowned.

Is it because I was abused? Pretty much all I remember from it is being stuck under my uncle. It's not like I could fight or run away then. All I could do was accept it. Think about something else.

I was ridiculously passive as a child too though (eg I didn't have a single strop or tantrum even as a toddler) and I feel like this, along with many other traits (faults), predates the abuse anyway. I hate feeling so different. I watch other people and think, why can't I be normal. I mean I know nobody is normal really, and I know lots of people would've frozen too, but it is becoming such a common theme that it is very hard not to feel like a failure.

Sorry, I'm rambling now. It's just that every time I start feeling like I'm not affected by what happened in my childhood, something reminds me that it is a huge part of who I am.

Dinotaurrexgrrrr Sat 18-Jul-15 23:25:41

But you did act, you called the police and then comforted the girl, I think you're being too had in yourself, many people freeze in these situations, things happen so quickly and you only have seconds to act. I think unfortunately the way you've interpreted this event feeds into your insecurities, you have nothing to feel guilty about, you just witnessed a terribly upsetting event, which has made you think about other upsetting events in your life xxx

Fleecyleesy Sat 18-Jul-15 23:26:14

But you did help, you called the police. We are all different, the girl who saved him used her interpersonal skills and you used your practical skills. Together that fixed the immediate problem. Be kinder to yourself.

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