And the point is...........

[Scaredofmyownshadow]

Last week my kids went away to their dads, I saw psychologist the day after and stupidly told her my plans that I had been making to not be here when my kids were due back.

So I've had extra support from my cpn and the crisis team have been in touch daily, but I don't know what I'm supposed to say to them.
I feel more and more angry with them that I'm still here, I'm terrified that I will still be here when my daughter is due back next week.

I have been told I have to use the OOH cpn sand even though I know I should phone them now I can't, I'm scared they may make me go into hospital, scared I won't be able to say what's in my head right, I already insulted the crisis team tonight by saying the wrong thing.

I tell them what I see and what I'm hearing, how I'm jumping at everything,

I've just made a mess of everything, I don't want to answer the phone because I know it's the crisis team and I'm tired of talking or not talking, saying the wrong thing, I just want to disappear.
Not even sure this makes sense

[windchimes23]

Oh bless you, have you been IP before? I've been in a couple of times, they've stopped me doing something bad.

I'm still batshit crazy when I get out but not SU. Actually after my last IP I've been kind of okish, not perfect, but level. I am able to function on a day to day basis.

What meds are you on, can they be tweaked? Stay strong x

[Scaredofmyownshadow]

Yes I've been ian IP 5 times, I guess it must have done some good as I'm still here, but it doesn't feel like that it feels like I'm being punished, every day I'm here, every time I breath. My stupid body lets me down and in turn I let everyone else down

[windchimes23]

Ah another veteran. Not much advice I can give really. Do you think they'll send you IP again? You sound really low and need a safety net.

Can't say anything else useful but I get it, I really do. Hope you can find some help and solace somewhere.

[windchimes23]

How have you been today? Thinking of you.

[Scaredofmyownshadow]

Am ok, well not really but it's the only 2 words I can say right now without falling apart.
Had the dreaded hospital threat today from the crisis team but they did respect my reasons why I couldn't go in..

I have 2 days left until my daughter comes home and something I thought I had time for has now become a rush and I'm scared it is going to go wrong
It's all such a mess