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Coping with the school holidays- almost suicidal

(26 Posts)
Loveisashadow Fri 17-Jul-15 20:06:39

Posting here for advice as I don't know how I'm going to do it. I have depression, fibromalgia and psychosis. I am just recovering from depression and psychosis, am on medication. DD's Dad (my ex) died in a house fire 8 months ago. I'm terrified of the holidays, I'm on benefits and so can't do much as I just don't have the money. I have one DD, aged 7 and I'm terrified of being alone with her. I'm a single parent and have been for years and I'm ashamed to admit that I'm scared of my own child and everything that looking after her involves. She gets too much and I get so tired. Don't know what to do or where to turn. I'm overwhelmed already. Sorry if that makes no sense. I just don't know what to do.

cheminotte Fri 17-Jul-15 20:12:27

Didn't want to leave this unanswered. Have you had any leaflets about holiday activities that she can go to? At 7 she should be fine for a few hours on her own. Also, please see your Gp about some counselling for both of you.

tatumsfunkychicken Fri 17-Jul-15 20:14:22

flowers as a bump

Looseleaf Fri 17-Jul-15 20:21:13

I just want to say how much I care and so extremely sorry by what a hard time you've had. i think we already need a nationwide campaign for being better friends to super single mums/dads and making sure we all look out for each other and I just had an open chat with my lovely friend who is finding it so hard too.
Don't ever be ashamed of how you feel, as I said to my friend it's her circumstances that are the strain as she keeps feeling a failure and I stressed how I wouldn't cope well on my own and not to give herself a hard time. But do please, please reach out to others- Samaritans, a teacher you trust at school, a GP, a neighbour and anyone else who could just listen and understand and keep you going. And chat here too as so many will care and listen

Loveisashadow Fri 17-Jul-15 20:23:12

My CPN was meant to sort something out but she went off sick before it was sorted. They haven't offered me a new cpn eithier, so I feel very stuck. She used to go to childcare so I know she'd be OK on her own. I feel sick at the thought of so many empty days stretching ahead.

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst Fri 17-Jul-15 20:23:55

Are you in London OP? has lots of free things to do with kids. Do you have any RL support? We all feel overwhelmed and frightened sometimes. You're not alone.

OwenMeanysArmadillo Fri 17-Jul-15 20:24:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SewingAndCakes Fri 17-Jul-15 20:27:03

More flowers things sound very difficult for you. Is there anyone who can help out for short periods?

Loveisashadow Fri 17-Jul-15 20:45:20

I'm in the MidlAnds. Those are good ideas above. I am working for the first time in a year during some of it and my friend will be looking after her whilst I'm at work (holiday scheme for teens). It's all the time in between I'm worried about. When I was depressed, I'd cry endlessly about being left alone with her and I still feel that way sometimes. Tommorow

ICantFindAFreeNickName2 Fri 17-Jul-15 20:46:22

Whilst its nice to be free of the normal routine, I think it can be too easy to get into really bad habits. Maybe plan a more relaxed routine, with maybe a trip out the house each day, if that makes you and your daughter feel better. There is nothing wrong with her watching a film while you nap, if you need a rest. Also if I'm feeling down, I find I slip into really bad eating habits, which creates a vicious circle.
At 7 your daughter could start helping you with chores, so you don't get so tired and then you can have a fun time together afterwards.
Activities need not cost much, its spending time together that matters. If you live in a decent sized town the library will probably have some free activities on & info on other free stuff in your area. Plus the internet has loads of info on free / cheap activities. My dd loved putting make up on me & painting my nails at that age. A trip to a charity shop, Poundland etc with £1 to spend, would kill loads of time as she pondered what to buy. Snuggling down together in bed to read a story.
Don't think about the 7 long weeks ahead, just plan out week 1 and see how it goes Don't be too hard on yourself, many of us, even with dp's, money and no health issues, still used to view the long summer holidays with dread. You are doing amazingly well

twentyten Fri 17-Jul-15 20:49:22

Sorry it sounds so tough. My dd made a list of things she wanted to do on bits of paper and put them in a jar- simple things like bake or paint or read a book- could your dd do that? Do you belong to a library? They have a big read summer scheme. Good luck!

slightlybonkers Fri 17-Jul-15 21:53:41

it's really tough. i don't live in the uk but i have put my kids in cheap as possible council-run summer camps. I also enrol them in cricket & tennis ie a summer sport something different?? Is there anything like that run by your local authority? Even if it's £20 you have to borrow it'll save your sanity. Also swimming pools do summer specials for families. Try to get out every morning and tire her out a bit. Then the afternoon pottering around the house goes fast. Personally staying a home all the time really gets me down. Plus, kids act up when they are bored and don't have other kids to play with. Is there a park/ playground / green you can bring them her to. Could you arrange to meet one of her friends there if you don't feel up to having kids over to yours. If you have really had enough the cinema. Enrol her on all free activities run by any local museums / library / summer festival.

Randomly goggled summer activities in midlands and came up with this
any good for ideas??? hth

SewingAndCakes Fri 17-Jul-15 22:06:32

The job might be a good thing to get you some space and time as an adult. What is it you'll be doing?

slightlybonkers Fri 17-Jul-15 22:17:43

free summer tennis camp for kids all over uk

free summer football for kids all over uk

Loveisashadow Sat 18-Jul-15 15:52:44

Those are all good ideas thank you. I get really fed up of staying in the house. There are parks by me, very close. I think it is a combination of having no money to do anything plus being on my own with a little one that is getting me down. We have just blitzed our garden so she has a lovely outdoor space to play and I've bought her a ten t, cricket, skittles and a space hopper for outside. It is very hard to find activities to do for kids every day and she has so much excess energy that bed time is always a nightmare! Thank you for all of your suggestions do far.

Chottie Sat 18-Jul-15 16:00:25

Do you have a cinema near you? If so, they often run cheap ticket morning sessions

If she likes dogs, do you have a neighbour whose dog you could offer to walk together once a week?

Have a look at your local council website, there are often activities in the park during the summer

Does your DD have a special friend to meet up with for a picnic in the park.

Biscuitsneeded Sat 18-Jul-15 16:00:46

Swimming should tire her out! Is there a pool near you? They would possibly do a good value pass for x visits that works out cheaply. Team up with another parent you get on with and do days out nearby with a picnic - needn't cost anything (parks etc). Local free museums for wet days? Council play schemes? Paddling pools? Whereabouts in the Midlands are you? Can you both ride a bike? - go exploring!

Loveisashadow Sat 18-Jul-15 17:41:50

I'm in Birmingham. Yes, there is a pool by us. A friend has a dog that we love and i've been looking at the gov website and have found a couple of free activities in parks. She can't ride a bike- I can but it's a bit much with my fibromaylgia. My DD has a special friend but he's away most of Summer. She hasn't got many school friends outside of school time, mainly due to me not making friends with the Mums when I had depression. My Dad has paid for a 3 day break to Wales (I just need to take spending money) so that is something to look forward to.

Loveisashadow Sat 18-Jul-15 17:52:32

sewingandcakes I'll be working with teenagers on their citizenship scheme- at a summer camp of all things!

SewingAndCakes Sat 18-Jul-15 19:27:23

That sounds good, it'll be something just for you, and it's other people's children you'll be looking after which will be a bit different. I find that I have to get out of the house each morning otherwise I feel worse when it's the afternoon. Obviously though it depends when your fibromyalgia is affecting you the most.

Your break in Wales sounds good too, something to look forward to.

Loveisashadow Sat 18-Jul-15 19:45:05

I'm on good medication, but find that I get very tired very easily. My meds mean I'm not great in the mornings, so I usually head out mid-morning (10-11am) if it's an unstructured or shopping/chores/park sort of day. I can handle things past 3.30pm as that's the time I'm used to picking up from school, but I get anxious/very bored/upset if I am sitting around for hours with nothing to do.

Eliza22 Mon 20-Jul-15 21:50:30

You sound like a lovely mum to your daughter and you've done all that gardening! I'm so sad to hear that your dd has lost her dad so tragically. What a dreadful trauma for you both.

I'm in a similar position and it IS so hard. I know exactly how you're feeling. My ds is 14 with Aspergers and has no friends but I've had really tough times with the holidays. I feel I have to entertain him/keep him occupied all the time and it's exhausting. Your dd is only 7 so may well be happy with "lazy mornings" and one activity 2 or 3 times a week? Are there any mums from her school who you could be honest with, say you struggle in the hols being on your own and you could do an afternoon thing with a school friend and then she could return the favour one afternoon?

You're doing a really good job even though you don't think so. The holidays are difficult.

tobysmum77 Tue 21-Jul-15 08:29:52

Birmingham museum and art Gallery, free to get in and they love looking at a load of strange exhibits smile

Loveisashadow Tue 21-Jul-15 20:17:00

I love the art gallery ! We haven't been there in a while. Next time I have bus fare we shAll go there and may be the new library afterwards. I'm finding the holidays very draining and tiring so far.

Eliza22 Wed 05-Aug-15 08:46:15

How's it going so far, Loveis? Did you go to the gallery? We're only 2 1/2 weeks in.... Struggling already!

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