Over the course of my adult life I have done a very good job of masking my issues and whilst every year or so I dabble with therapy - or the idea of it - and invest in the latest self help book, I don't commit and find it easier to go to brushing my issues under the carpet.
On the face of it I live an ordinary, lovely family life. I have a loving husband, lovely children and a decent professional job. But I suffer from social anxiety. I function well in others' eyes, but I use a lot of avoidance techniques and safety behaviours. Internally I feel like I have the mind of a child. My emotional regulation is poor. I easily feel shame in the company of those I perceive as smarter, prettier, funnier, more confident, and men. I'm fearful of scrutiny and being judged and criticised. As a result, I feel unfulfilled in my life, I haven't fulfilled my potential, I don't live my life doing the things I would like to be doing, I can be snappy with my loved ones and I don't think I 'feel' proper emotions.
I grew up with controlling parents. I had a nervous temperament as a young child and my father was judegmental and unpredictably short tempered. My mother exhibited general anxiety.
I took the plunge two years ago and started to see a therapist. I found it difficult because it is so hard for me to take on the position of painting myself in a less than perfect light. It was odd to sit there and have the therapist bring on sobbing and then for me to get into the car where I went back to my normal, happy--enough life. Has anyone else found this hard? Exploring painful feelings for an hour when you spend all other hours of the week going about business as usual? I know I need to do something again though.
If you read this far, thank you! I guess I am looking for other people's stories of therapy or self-help and what has worked for you. I can't commit an endless pot of money to therapy so would rather go with something time-limited that has an evidence-base.
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Mental health
Has anyone had any therapy/counselling or used a self help method to get passed your (social) anxiety and live a more fulfilling life?
10 replies
niceview · 17/07/2015 11:29
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