I am currently on 40mg citalopram & find they do take the edge of the anxiety/depression but not really enough. I am very down at the moment & really struggling with life & my thoughts & my anxiety does stop me doing alot of things with my partner? I cheated on him years ago & told the truth last year as I couldnt live with it, however the anxiety regarding meals, nights away or holidays with him still remain there as they did before. It frustrates me soo much as I thought by coming clean it would be a fresh start. Last Saturday I found out I was pregnant & realised I cant keep it with my mental state but dreading how bad I will feel after. I have asked my.partner to leave as the anxiety O ahve affects him also. Is there anh escape? I cant go on like this, thankgod for my son whos 4 who keeps me here x
Firstly, you acknowledge that it is your anxiety making you feel like this. I would definitely go back and speak to your GP as maybe your medication needs to be adjusted.
You are a brave strong woman to have come clean about cheating. You did the right thing. It sounds as though he accepted it and moved on if you still go out for meals and holidays etc. If he has moved on, you need to (I know easier said than done) forgive yourself and move on too. Maybe get in contact with relate or google online help or support to deal with the guilt issues for the cheating. The good thing is.. He has chosen to stay with you and your child. This is a positive.
Please please reconsider your choices around the pregnancy. You wouldn't be the first to be pregnant and suffer from anxiety and depression. Your GP and midwife can help and provide the right support. It sounds as though you want the baby, but are being too hard on yourself having negative thoughts because of your anxiety/depression. Please thing long and hard about this.
You can go on and will go on. You have an amazing gift of your 4yr old who loves you more than anything in the world and needs YOU.
I myself have suffered from depression and anxiety and I truly believe from your post that it is your condition making you feel like this and that you maybe need your medication adjusted or additional support like CBT etc to address your issues.
Please go back and see your GP. I promise you there is light at the end of that tunnel!! You just need help to get there like I did and you will feel better. X