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*whispers* I think I may have ptsd

(6 Posts)
AllOutOfNaiceHam Sun 12-Jul-15 21:03:29

DC2 survived bacterial meningitis 2 and a bit years ago, a couple of months before turning 2. DC3, my precious, precious rainbow baby was bluelighted to hospital with suspected meningitis 7 months ago. Penicillin injection in the ambulance, straight to resus, heart rate well above 200 for hours, raging fever. It was horrendous.
Less than a month later I came down with septic pneumonia and spent a week in critical care. I wasn't very with it a lot of the time, and things were scary and not particularly well explained while they were happening, and when I asked about bits and pieces of my care afterwards, I got replies like "oh it was just a normal sepsis reaction" and "we can't really say for sure". The only one who was even in the slightest willing to give me details was the microbiologist who isolated the bacteria in my blood, and the radiologist who tried to locate the infection. My discharge notes were even more vague than that, the first saying that I had had pneumonia and possibly a septic reaction, possibly contamination, the second saying I had had a septic illness, possibly pneumonia.
I was discharged as soon as I could stand up straight and hobble to the toilet across the corridor, and needed a further 3 courses of strong antibiotics to clear up the odd noise my lungs were making every time I breathed in and out.
I suffered horrendous pain in my chest for the next 6 months and got fobbed off a lot, generally still feel like crap and struggle to breathe every time I do anything in the slightest way strenuous or if I get a cold.
GP just keeps offering me repeat chest xrays which now show nothing.

Over the last few weeks, my anxieties that have reared their head every so often have been bad. I am terrified that one of my dcs will die every time I take my eyes off them, or if I can't hear them. And I have flashbacks of hospital, treatments and how scared I was.
I'm grumpy and snappy and short tempered, and oh so tired all the time.
I'm also being treated for anaemia, but I don't think it's working at all, because I just feel worse.
The last two days have been particularly bad, lots and lots of flashbacks, palpitations, feeling teary and having the desire to cut myself, something I haven't done for years, just to feel a bit more in control.
I'm going to ring for an appointment with my GP tomorrow, I think, but I'm scared that she will be as dismissive over this as with the pain in my chest.

No real point to this post but I feel I need to "say it out loud" somewhere.

KatharineClifton Sun 12-Jul-15 21:32:16

I think you probably are too. There are anti-anxiety/depression meds that are more suitable for ptsd symptoms. I guess you'll find a list on the net. I have found mirtazapine excellent, but the side effects are significant. Best go to the GP armed with information though as to what might help. And hopefully counselling is on offer to help you work through 3 horrific hospital experiences.

AllOutOfNaiceHam Sun 12-Jul-15 21:44:34

Thank you fo forrm your reply.
I'm still breastfeeding, I don't want them to tell me to stop.. I know that there are ADs safe for breastfeeding, but when I was on those a few years ago, my GP told me that she couldn't give me anything for anxiety, because it wasn't bf safe, though I was having panic attacks then.
Now it's more a constant state of dread. sad

No134 Sun 12-Jul-15 22:37:10

Tbh if your anxieties are that bad, and you know your GP isn't particularly helpful, you might be better cutting out the middle-man and asking to be referred to a psychiatrist.

Diagnosing PTSD is not really a GP's call anyway, and your symptoms sound as if they're severe already and possibly even escalating. Psychiatrists will have much more experience of the various drug options, and will be able to advise on and refer to a wider range of counselling/therapy options.

mamabluestar Sun 12-Jul-15 23:02:11

thanks

MummySparkle Sun 12-Jul-15 23:13:16

Sending hugs. I think GP should be your first point of call, tell them what you have told us. I do think a referral to your community mental health team is needed. You may be able to self-refer. It might be worth having a look at their website.

What is your health visitor like? Mine was amazing when I was suffering with PND and cam around every fortnight when things were really bad, and came over monthly until we moved house and out of her area.

Sending you lots of hugs x

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