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meh

(1 Post)
kitkat1989 Wed 08-Jul-15 12:13:06

back story: have been up and down for years, self harmed etc etc. attempted suicide twice beginning of last year, meds for a year, cbt, crisis team etc etc.

been off meds for a month now totally but all iv done this last 1-2 weeks is cry. like all the time.

all my old feelings are coming back. i despise myself with an absolute passion. the hatred i feel for myself, how i look, my health, my personailty literally everything is unreal.

my husband can do no right and i keep questioning whether i want to be in the marriage even though i know that thats not the case at all and id be devastated if we ever did split up.

i feel like i want to go to sleep and only wake up if i can be someone else.

but i dont want to go back on meds. in fact i refuse to. if im going to be happy i want it to be real happy not because a pill tells me im happy.

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