fed up

[Frogqueen13]

I don't really know why I am writing this, I have no one really to talk to at the minute but I just cant stop crying.
I should be happy I have two beautiful polite loving children, a husband who loves me and a job promotion but all I want to do is run away. I am a nurse and I a patient I was caring for died last week quite unexpectedly I cared for her like she was my own relative for a few short hours but when I left she died and I got a bollocking as she wasn't in the correct outfit. It didn't matter that I have given her pain relief or made her a cup of tea, or that I had helped her to the toilet, just what she was wearing. this in itself I could cope with.
The other problem is were skint, my husband works 150 miles away earning very little- he has to stick at it though for another couple of years as the benefits will make us very comfortable. to make up for this I am working all the hours god gives (70 this week) to ensure everything is paid for. if i dont earn we have nothing so going off sick isnt an option if i lose the overtime we will drown. I am also looking after our two girls single handed each week whilst trying to pay for two homes, I owe a catalog company £300 and they are hounding me for it and I just cant face talking to them.
today I went on a specialist training course- only to receive multiple phone calls from work regarding a problem with my shifts- asking for help over the holidays as there is no school to be told everyone is in the same position so deal with it.
I have come home without my children- my grandma who is in her eighties ahs them as I am in work at 7am tomorrow, and cried and I cant seem to stop. I have an appointment with the gp and mental health nurse on Friday to see if they can help as I suffer with anxiety following an assault. but I don't really no what I can do to fix this, I don't no how they can help.

I'm so sorry I don't know what I want from this but it is cathartic just writing it down.

tia