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I'm so sad for my brother

(8 Posts)
whatlifestylechoice Tue 07-Jul-15 20:45:14

My brother has been diagnosed bi-polar with borderline schizophrenia. He won't take his meds, won't see a doctor, thinks he's not ill. He categorically refuses to get help.

He's fallen out with all of us, his family, because we were trying to convince hil to take his meds or at least talk to someone. He won't speak to us now. His last message to me was "fuck you - all of you". He lives in the US and the rest of us are all in Europe.

His wife has just filed for divorce after 20 years together because she can't take it anymore. He was physically violent with her and although she still loves him, she can't be with him. We all support her in this.

I've just heard today that he's lost his job. To be honest, I'm surprised he kept it this long.

I don't know what's going to happen to him now. He's got no friends, no wife, no job, no family around him.

He's very intelligent, funny, and kind. He could have had a brilliant life. I'm so scared he's going to end up on the streets or dead.

He was abused as a child by a teacher, and even though I can't know for sure that's what sparked his mental health problems, I still want to kill the fucker who did this to him.

I can't stop crying. My lovely brother. This is not fair.

callamia Tue 07-Jul-15 20:49:00

I'm so sorry. This is so hard for you to deal with, especially from a distance.

I don't know what to suggest, but I guess your brother isn't coming home any time soon? Will he be able to stay in the US without a job/wife?

It's not fair, and I know the person he is now isn't the brother you grew up with and love. I really hope that things improve for him, that he's able to get some help at some point soon.

whatlifestylechoice Tue 07-Jul-15 21:05:21

Thanks Callamia. We tried to persuade him to come home, but he wasn't having any of it. He has a green card and some savings, but he's not capable of working at the moment, so I don't know how long he can live on his savings.

He came to visit me here last year and was in really good form, it's hard to accept that things have gone to shit so quickly.

larahusky Tue 07-Jul-15 21:07:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatlifestylechoice Tue 07-Jul-15 22:22:54

Thanks Lara. I do try to keep in touch, but it's hard to continue when he's being so hostile. I'm scared of pissing him off further. I will keep sending him messages though.
As far as professional help is concerned, I'm afraid he's not getting much at all. My SIL tried her best, but she couldn't force him to get help. His psy can't do anything unless he comes to her, apparently. SIL has had him sectioned before, but unfortunately in the states, they don't seem to keep you in for very long. She doesn't want to get him sectioned again for complicated reasons.

larahusky Thu 09-Jul-15 09:57:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EmNetta Fri 10-Jul-15 23:35:10

Agree with Lara that it's important to keep some contact, but realise from experience how difficult this is. My own brother had similar problems for years, and it's such a relief to have him recovering and almost back to normal again, so I know this can happen.
Is it possible for you to visit him?

MummySparkle Sun 12-Jul-15 23:58:25

If messages have the potential to annoy him and perhaps drive him further away, could you send a regular postcard? I use touchnote to make my phone photos into postcards. My grandparents love it! Even if all you say is 'saw a beautiful sunset yesterday' (or something related to the snap) it lets him know your thinking of him, without him feeling pressured to reply. Doesn't help you to know how he is though. Maybe just email / message simple little positive things. When I was in psych hospital my mum used to send me cards often. I like sheep, and I swear she scoured everywhere she went to find a different sheep card to send me. It was nice to know she was thinking about me without having to reply to her at the time

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