Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

Mother treats me like a child - gets me so wound up

(9 Posts)
greener2 Tue 07-Jul-15 13:04:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lottapianos Tue 07-Jul-15 13:07:46

I'm not surprised you are feeling stressed out. My mother has done that thing of undermining me in front of others and it really hurts. It sounds like she doesn't hear you and doesn't take you seriously. You don't deserve to be treated like that. Not all mothers are caring, loving people who put their sons and daughter's needs first.

Limiting contact sounds like a very good idea for your own wellbeing. How much contact do you have with her at the moment?

FortyCoats Tue 07-Jul-15 13:11:06

Can't advise I'm afraid. I actually posted a similar thread today. Just wanted to say, you're not alone. Lots of Mums like yours and mine. I'm searching today for courage, hope you find yours too.


greener2 Tue 07-Jul-15 13:31:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lottapianos Tue 07-Jul-15 13:45:50

'not in a nasty way its more in a passive aggressive way to make herself feel good as she has low self esteem '

Her behaviour sounds very nasty indeed. She seems intent on making other people (you and your DD for example) feel bad in order to make herself feel better. That's not what a person in any kind of loving healthy relationship does.

I completely hear you on the 'hmmm' response and the undermining what you have said - my mother does the same. It used to make me feel so very small, and almost like I didn't exist. At times, I felt like I was actually going crazy from all the underming. Its very hard to accept that your own mother treats you like crap, doesn't take you seriously and doesn't care for your feelings.

Toxic family members are often 'nice' some of the time. If they were always awful, it would be much easier to just get rid of them. It is hard, all this stuff, very hard indeed. I see a psychotherapist about this and other issues and it helps me more than I can say, although processing all the pain has been the hardest thing I've ever done. Good luck and take care of yourself. Ask yourself how much good it is doing for you and your young children to have this woman around.

FortyCoats Tue 07-Jul-15 15:40:59

greener2 I've been chatting to some lovely people over on my thread and they've suggested the 'Stately Homes' thread (it's long-running, I remember it from being here years ago). It's a good place to chat to people who have been through and are going through similar situations. Lots of advice and support.

Maybe you could pop over to it also? Hope to see you there smile

greener2 Tue 07-Jul-15 19:28:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GourmetGold Tue 07-Jul-15 21:03:13

Lots of sympathy from me, another with a mother who undermines me. I've worked out that mine is like that due to her own low turn giving me low self-esteem!

My only advice is to avoid her as much as possible, just because she is your mum doesn't mean she has your best interests at heart...some people are just terrible parents and very selfish. Don't feel guilty about avoiding her...she doesn't deserve your company treating you like that...and you are saving your mental health.

I've met complete strangers who have been nicer to me in 5 minutes than my mum ever has, the whole time I've been her daughter!!

NotAJammyDodger Tue 07-Jul-15 21:44:48

I finally went no contact with my mother two years ago. She's 74years old, been married twice and had an 5 year affair with a Frenchman who she dumped my step-dad for when she was 71 (needed someone younger to cater for her every whim).

I love her but but just can't take her anymore, or being manipulated. Based on years of therapy with me, my therapist thinks she is a narcissist. She certainly 'ticks all the boxes'.

I have subsequently discovered that there are legions of women out there suffering as 'daughters of narcissistic mothers', along with many web sites devoted to this subject. There are lots of good books devoted to the subject of Toxic Parents too.

Not sure if narcissism relates to your mother, but may be of interest.

Either way, going NC has been really painful for me, but I have to put my family and I first.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now