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Stuck in a rut

(2 Posts)
jackiebrown00 Mon 06-Jul-15 12:17:08

Any ideas how to move forwards ? I keep trying to change things but keeping coming back to the same place. Divorced for 9 years now when kids were 6 & 9. Struggled on for years working and looking after kids and home. Had to leave last job last year as teenage dd developed serious eating disorder.....she is in recovery now but think the eating issue will always be a cloud so she needs watching. She is still upset by the divorce as goes to Dad's once a week and has the taking of bag/ never having the right stuff thing going on.
All my friends are in relationships so feeling pretty isolated....no one to go to pictures with etc. Seemed to have lost confidence as feel awkward being out on own as everyone seems to be paired up. Try a few meet ups from time to time but a fairly mixed bunch and the people I've met there also now paired off...!! Dated for 2 years but guy is heavy drinker....yuk..and caused problems with ds and ex. At 49 there are not many guys to meet and the friends say I'm too fussy but over 3 years since a relationship....got fed up last year with casual dating and found the internet awful.
Thinking of starting up own business but worried about stress/anxiety that might cause. Just feel exhausted as no matter how hard I try things don't seem to get better for me. Been on singles holidays which vary but when you come home it's all the same.

Scottysmum2008 Tue 07-Jul-15 10:22:40

Hi, sounds like a really tough place to be right now.
Would you be able to take a moment and look at everything. It's difficult as you're right in the middle of it, but try and write down everything you have that's good and positive, no matter how small.
You have troubles with kids, but you have two beautiful kids ...
They have regular contact with their dad, it's a tricky set up maybe but they have their dad ...
Teens is a tough age, hormones and all that on top of everything else that may be happening, do you guys talk about the divorce and feelings?
It's only a thought but a lot seems stuck because of past events. This needs to be addressed for all of you before real steps can be made forward. It's easier said than done but try to break everything down into pieces that can be managed or fixed before moving onto the next one. Seems that maybe you and your daughter at least have confidence issues since the divorce. You need to find coping strategies for your both so you can be put back together again and learn from what happened and it doesn't move into the next chapters of your life.
Possibly once you've worked through these emotional aspects then the rest of life can be addressed like work etc.
Managing and coping with stress is very difficult, but it needs to be managed nonetheless as there will always be elements of stress with everything, and if left to grow it can and will inhibit growth for you as individuals, and can impact into other aspects of life such as when your daughter goes out to work etc.
Talking and being open about all of these things will help you and your kids; they will see that they are not alone with their troubles, troubles are a normal part of life, they have to be worked through and managed.
I highly recommend you spend some serious time on yourself and work with your kids to get to a happier place, and then work and other relationships will happen in time.
Be strong and whatever you decide to you all the best of luck.
P.S. There is nothing wrong with being a bit fussy :-) why should you 'make do'?

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