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don't know what I'm meant to do.(8 Posts)
Sorry my brain is mush. I don't know what I'm meant to do. DH is making wanting to leave me noises. We had a long time apart and then we moved house and back in together 8 months ago. I have small children. I found being a single mum really difficult. I thought it would get easier, but it didn't. If anything I found it got harder, and everything got a bit disastrous, I ended up a right mess (worsening of depression). He tells me that if we split I'd have lots of support. I had lots of support last time but I still couldn't do it. I have even less support now as I no longer live near my friends/family. I can't move back because I can't afford to live where I did before. I don't know what I am meant to do. DH isn't talking about it. I just want to be asleep all the time. I feel completely isolated.
being a single parent is dead hard you're right. but it is do-able, and it's usually better than being in a failing relationship. how old are your children? it does get much easier when they're all at school. what sort of support did you have last time?
Sorry you're going through this. Why is he talking about leaving, can you work through whatever problems you have that make him feel he wants to leave, could you have counselling?
I don't know why he's talking about leaving. He says things don't feel right, and that it's not me it's him. Which I think is a cop out. He's been avoiding me…I'd suggest that we do things together etc, find a babysitter etc, but he never seems keen so it never happens. I asked if he was seeing someone else he says no, that he is just tired from work. I have suggested that we/he goes for counselling. We went to relate before, which was helpful but I did most of the talking I think. He's hardly here as he works a lot and is often away several nights a week. Kids are 5,7,8 but at 2 different schools 2 miles apart, which means my life is the school run (3 hours a day on a good day) Appeals were unsuccessful. DH came around a lot last time to help with bedtime etc, however, I don't know how useful that was as it's difficult to balance the needs of the kids and the difficulty of having your ex in your home. He did pick and choose when he did weekends though…he had a lot of holidays, I of course, didn't. I had a job of sorts before (I had to resign when we moved). I lived in a close knit community so had friends with similar age kids that lived very nearby so there was always someone to say hello to, have a cup of tea and chat, go to the park with. Long term friends were only a few miles away. My parents lived nearby and so could babysit on occasion and I could have the odd evening seeing my friends without kids. I just keep thinking that I found it so difficult before, with all that support around me, that I just can't do it again in a much more difficult situation. I really tried my best to do the single mum thing last time…I love my children, and enjoy spending time with them, they are really good kids, so I shouldn't actually find it so difficult.
I don't even know how I'm meant to pick them up today. I can't stop crying. I can hardly see how I can drive around for 2 hours picking children up.
Maybe your DH could be single parent next time? Maybe you could support him with the kids instead of the other way around?
icebeing that's what I've suggested but not a popular suggestion as he's married to his work
We had a productive chat last night. Well he had to as I let his tyres down as he was packing his stuff as he 'needed to have some time away' and was going to leave me with the kids. Due to my mental state I was petrified of this. In a complete meltdown pre chat I accidentally told him what's going on in my head and he said that I should have told him before. I had not seen this as necessary as I knew things were going badly and had booked an appointment to see my GP- I was going to sort it out myself. So, I don't know, absolute crisis (me being left with kids whilst unwell) might have been averted for the moment...
hmm...it might not be a suggestion though...I mean if you actually cannot take them without risking yourself or the children, then that is a fact that needs dealing with not a suggestion!
It sounds like he may not have realised where you were regarding your mental health. At least he found the right response in the moment.
I think non-sufferers sometimes simply forget what is happening to us. Out of sight out of mind, in a way that physical illness never is.
How are things now? Keep yourself and your children safe first and foremost.
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