Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

Worried about girlfriend's mental state due to social workers

(6 Posts)
pk1984 Wed 24-Jun-15 17:13:03

my girlfriend has four children by her ex husband.
he abused her and hit her before and social services got involved and things got resolved.
whilst with him, her and I got close and effectively started dating whilst she was still officially married but she had made if emphatically clear to him that it was over between them and he was only still about to help with the four children which he couldn't accept.
recently they agreed an amicable split, he would move out and they would share responsiblities with the children.
one night he got drunk and tried to kill her saying he'd allow nobody else to be with her.
she escaped and he got arrested. she later withdrew her statement (I can't figure out why) and because of this and his past history social services have gotten involved.

they have turned up unannounced a few times and my girlfriend, who is massively stressed and under a huge amount of pressure with four children, has been less than polite with them and has become extremely angry all the time.
she tells me she is angry because her ex husband will now no longer do anything with the children and may still yet go to jail and she is left with four children and social services harassing her.
she seems to be sinking into depression and she knows I am there for her but there is nothing I can do I feel.

any advice?

I can provide more information if needed

UnbelievableBollocks Wed 24-Jun-15 20:02:58

I'm not surprised social services are involved. You have 4 children who have been exposed to a violent home life and domestic violence, with their father having shown that he has the potential to kill their mother.

That is extremely damaging for children and puts them at quite serious risk.

In your girlfriend's shoes, I'd be working with social services as much as possible to make sure that my children were safe and well looked after and protect them from their violent father, not gripe about their involvement and the lack of support from their dad.

TurnItIn Wed 24-Jun-15 20:15:49

If she's suffering from depression (hardly surprising, it all sounds very traumatic and chaotic) then you should try and persuade her to see her GP ASAP.

You will also be helping her if you can try and take the heat out of the SS situation. Social Services are there to help protect the children - they've had a terrible, frightening start to life - and she needs to co-operate with them in order for the children to get access to appropriate help.

SolidGoldBrass Wed 24-Jun-15 23:56:08

Are you living with her and the children at the moment? If so, are you able to help when SS come round by demonstrating that the home is now stable and safe? IF you are not living with her (you don't say how long you have been a couple) is your job flexible enough for you to be with her when SS visit and help her eg keeping the situation calm, offering additional help, supporting her to see her GP or talk to Women's Aid - or see a solicitor for ways of making sure her ex can't come to the house or harass her with phonecalls or texts?

pk1984 Thu 25-Jun-15 07:49:42

Thanks for the replies.
Her and I have known each other two years and been dating for ffifteen months.
We don't live together due to the split up with her ex husband we decided that we'd take it slow in looking towards moving in as we didnt want her children to suddenly have a new man move in.
Our plan was once her ex husband had officially moved out of their household, to meet her children in a neutral/fun place and see if they like me.

The ex husband has a court order saying he is not allowed in the same street as my girlfriend or their children.

Last night, my girlfriend and I had an in-depth talk and she's definitely calmed down and is thinking more rationally again so let's see what happens.

Your replies are appreciated smile

SolidGoldBrass Thu 25-Jun-15 16:47:54

OK, very sensible of you not to have moved in yet and I'm glad to hear the ex is subject to that court order. If he does pester with phonecalls, texts, emails or letters, inform the police (on the non-emergency number) and it might be possible to get the court order amended to ban him from doing that as well. It might even be possible to have him sent to prison if he carries on making a nuisance of yourself.

Your girlfriend might be suffering from PTSD as well - people who have been abused or otherwise harmed can have problems with their mental health even when the bad stuff is over. Is she getting support from her GP or counselling?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now