I promise I have done all that Cat. I promise. But you're right. They won't forgive me. I think what I am doing by being here is even worse though. I love them so so so much but I can't keep hurting them. They don't understand and I get that.
We can't help you. We aren't trained, we don't know your situation, your needs, who you are, what's going on... People who don't know what they are doing can do MASSIVE damage.
Please please please PLEASE call your GP, go to A&E, phone the samaritans, anything.
You obviously want to be helped or you wouldn't have gone to the trouble of changing your username and starting this thread. You are asking for help. The best help available to you is to go to the dr or hospital or make a phone call and tell them that you are in crisis.
do you have a friend or family member who could help you right now?
Yes he does. He is such a good kind man. I keep thinking that if I weren't here then he could find someone who didn't have my problems. Someone who would love him and my kids and have none of my bad parts