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Feeling empty and want to be happy. What to do?(7 Posts)
Married 3 years, to a man I love and who loves me. Two gorgeous healthy children. In an new job I enjoy, and my husband is also working full time in a job he enjoys. We live in a beautiful home, but no family nearby. I have great friends but have been isolated dealing with 2 kids and just getting by day-to-day.
I feel so empty and sad. My husband gets on my nerves and I pick fights with him. I am grumpy and comfort binge eat unreasonable amounts of chocolate, which has led to weight gain (was 9 stone at marriage, now 11 and gaining).
Had post-natal anxiety after 1st child was born, but saw a counsellor and managed to get some sleep which really helped. 2nd child is now 6 months old, in daycare with ladies who adore him (he's a really easy baby). I miss him so much, he's gorgeous.
Everything is ok for a bit, then I get so angry and frustrated with things that I snap and take it out on my husband. I swear (f word) at him and he hates that, but it makes me so relieved to finally get the tension off my chest. For example, he said he'd do drop off to daycare, but nothing was ready and as a result I was late to work. I was so wound up, I lost half a day of being productive.
So writing this, I suppose the question is, is it normal? What would you do? It feels like a crossroads, our marriage is really suffering and we're not happy, and I don't know what to do.
Please don't be horrible, I'm a bit of an emotional wreck right now.
Could you have let him get things ready and be late for work? Particularly if he's taking responsibility for a specific child. You don't have to pick up the pieces. Your DH can and he will learn to coordinate himself better if he falls flat on his face. Don't say a thing
I think you're still struggling inside a lot. Can you list all the bits of your life your struggling with and talk the hit list through with your DH.
Do you have any time alone and do you build pleasurable experiences into your day?
Are you exercising daily? Getting your heart rate up for an hour a day. This will have three major effects - it will release endorphins so you feel better - it will enable you to sleep better - it will give you much needed time alone.
Also consider using 5-htp from amazon for anxiety/sleep if you are presently using no medication
Thank you so much for your advice.
We were both late, I let him do most of the running but he'd forgotten to give one of our children necessary medication, so I found myself explaining why he had to give our son something to eat in the car, so that he'd have something in his stomach to take the meds...etc. Then he didn't know where the meds were, blah blah.
Definitely struggling inside. We are going to do a list of all the household chores, and split them in a way we both agree to. He feels like he does everything, and so do I.
I am not doing any exercise at all. I love exercising but feel so drained...although in a fit of madness last week, I bought P90X which is probably not the most appropriate thing. The idea of something structured was appealing. Still haven't opened it...maybe I will tomorrow.
Haven't taken any meds, but am breastfeeding so not sure it would be very wise. Hoping there's another way to get back on track, before resorting to drugs.
I couldn't say for sure whether you have PND or depression but you have had SO much to deal with recently. In just three years a new husband, two babies, new job, no family nearby? It would take a saint not to be snapping during all this.
I recommend you let yourself and everyone else off the hook for a few weeks. Whatever you can do to make life less pressured, do it. Dropping the chocolate/sugar habit would be good. Hard to find the willpower when you are knackered, but if you can go on a healthy eating kick (not a weight loss diet) that might help. Could you just go for family walks in the park - stroll about, play chase or ball with the babies, get some fresh air and have fun together rather than turning exercise into yet one more duty to fulfil while you are shattered?
Could you do something sudden and unexpected for your DH - buy him a present or book tickets for a comedy night or similar, to let him know you care for him and are not always ratty.
If you do need ADs, take them. No shame. Some are OK with breast feeding. others you may need to move onto formula, but really, that isn't an issue either. Your health is crucial to the happy, smooth running of the family, and if you need to switch to formula to get well, it's not a drawback, it's a positive decision.
Thank you Betty, trying to go easy on the chocolate but not succeeding. That's a good reminder to do something nice for DH. I'll book a babysitter and give us both a good night out. Our relationship could do with it
He made a massive spreadsheet with all the chores we have to do, and asked me to assign who does what, then we'll swap each month. I haven't done it yet, it's been 3 days and I just want to let go of the housecleaning etc but he has higher standards. Hmm maybe I should get a cleaner.
Making an appointment with a psychiatrist to see what they think.
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