Needing guidance

[cazzyal]

Although I am not a mother I enjoy reading and participating in the forum as there are a lot of wise women here.

I apologise if this becomes long winded but I have found myself in a bit of a pickle and unsure whether I'm just a little stuck or depressed and unsure where to go from here. When opening up to me mother she just says "you'll be fine" which really isn't enough support and I don't want to scare off my newish boyfriend.

It began when I was becoming tired of my steady (dull) boyfriend of 2 years and was meeting loads of new and exciting people, I ended our relationship. Very shortly after, a week or so, I was asked out by a friend who I had had a great connection and crush on previously. I was very excited about this new relationship, although cautious due to the time since my break up, he was also cautious of this and we gave it a month until we really gave it a go.
My previous boyfriend wasn't keen on the pill so when I began this new relationship I decided to give it a go. A few months into the pill and the relationship I began to feel very depressed, feeling lonely like I suddenly had a lack of friends. I am at uni but am 21 as I started late so still have 2 years left, before this I had a job and 'a life' and was very confident with myself.

At first I though it could be my new boyfriend although he absolutely perfect for me, great sense of humour, not perfect in everyway, fun etc etc He also loves to spoil me which I would have once loved. I then thought perhaps is was the pill, I went to the doctors and they changed my prescription but I decided to come of all together as could no longer tolerate how I was feeling (despair, crying, hopelessness, lonely).

The panic attack type behaviour stopped but I still continue to feel depressed about different things now, mainly where I am heading in life and my depression ruining my relationship.

My current situation is that I have finished uni for summer and begin a summer job in July, which at the time of applying I believed to be suitable and I now I don't but I cannot find a more preferred job to turn to (which is not helping my mood). My boyfriend is a farmer so is always working very hard making me feel very lazy! Obviously the later I find a job the harder it will be to turn down the job I already have. I am also trying to have a work placement for next year. My boyfriend tells me he looks forward to see what I do with my life as I'm clever and although this is encouragement I see it as pressure.

Again I apologise for the long windedness as could still go one but what I am basically asking for is some guidance, advise on how to feel bet, anecdotes of similar experiences or ideas on what could be causing the way I feel. I cant carry on crying everyday and doing nothing all day as that is just now me!

Thank you and look forward to here your responses

xx