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DH's pessimism driving me round the bend!

(5 Posts)
Purl1Knit1 Sun 14-Jun-15 22:43:14

I posted this in 30 Days, but have been advised to post here as I may get more responses.

DH is very pessimistic, and it drives me round the bend! Does anyone have any ideas on whether it's possible to help him see things more positively? Some recent examples:

He found a lump. Was referred for a scan to check that it was just a cyst. Immediately decided it was Cancer, because "It's not sore, and I think a cyst would be sore". I did a quick Google search and found that cysts are usually painless, and that a lot of people have reported a kind of dull ache before being diagnosed with Cancer. He actually started crying in the middle of work on the day of the scan, and the night before it he said to me " I'm pretty sure it's Cancer" (even after my Googling). Turned out it was a cyst, thankfully.

Got assigned to a new project in work. Came home in stinking form, declaring that it was going to be far too much work; he would have to work every evening for the next year; the people currently working on the project would not have any existing resources or data to help him; he's going to hate the clients anyway. Again, started to cry about this. Went into work the next day; came home saying that one of the people already on the project has given him a huge pile of resources, and offered to help him find his feet; now reckons he won't have to work every evening after all. Is still convinced he'll hate working with the client (who he's never met).

His dad had been a bit quiet. DH decides his dad must be very ill, or is having huge money worries. DH then furiously worries for weeks, analysing every little thing. This went on for months - MIL says FIL is just tired, but DH won't believe her.

I could go on, but you get the idea. The thing is, when he's worried, he gets moody and quite short-tempered, and every little thing sets him off. He's never violent or anything, just unhelpful. eg I'll say that DS isn't well and we can't go to visit DH's parents (so we'll go next week instead), and he'll say "Well that's just great, can't even see my parents now" and storm off upstairs.

The thing is that I suffer from anxiety, so when something stressful is happening to me, any negativity really doesn't help. But I do try to be positive, and am generally fairly optimistic. But DH often causes me extra stress by being convinced that the worst is going to happen. eg when my dad had a severe allergic reaction which left him in bed for several days, DH immediately said "Gosh, that doesn't sound like an allergic reaction. Do you think there could be something really wrong with him?". Argh!

Anyone else deal with this? Any tips on dealing with it?

Allgunsblazing Sun 14-Jun-15 22:48:13

I just yell at mine, sorry. Everything is such a drama, you'd think it's the end of the world.
is he depressed?

Purl1Knit1 Mon 15-Jun-15 08:46:13

Exactly, it's always drama! I feel bad shouting though, because then he'll just worry in silence and still be grumpy etc. I don't think he's depressed; he doesn't have any other symptoms of depression that I can see.

tutorproof Mon 15-Jun-15 09:08:50

Mine too. I also have anxiety issues which are made much worse.

I call him out on it now as I worry about the example it sets our children. DS1 is particularly negative and it concerns me.

No help really but you have my sympathy.

Purl1Knit1 Mon 15-Jun-15 18:35:15

Yes, tutorproof, it really makes my anxiety worse - even just not being sure what kind of mood he'll come home in if it's been a rough day. The day of the new project announcement, I'd had a really long, tough day with DS, who was just out of sorts and clingy. But as soon as DH came home, the whole evening became about him. Which would be ok if it was a genuine crisis, but it really wasn't.

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