is anybody there who could just be with me now, sorry

[elementofsurprise]

it's ver bad, very alone, tried to tell SO he just annoyed saying im bringing him down. i see no way out. trying to hold on, sorry, not sure what to do fel so worthless no help

[notquitegrownup2]

So sorry that you are in a dark place. It must be very frustrating for you that your SO cannot be there for you. But don't focus on him now, look after yourself.

Can you call the Samaritans? 0845 790 9090 There will be someone there who will listen. I know that it doesn't change things but it does help, honestly.

Then you need to get through the night. Can you cuddle up with a blanket on the settee, and have some soothing music on in the background? A hot water bottle for yourself might be nice too.

And if you can't sleep, keep on posting, keep on talking here.

Thinking of you

[StupidBloodyKindle]

Hey you
No one is worthless, no one. No one should make you feel worthless either. Why are you feeling so low might I ask? Is it a mixture of things or are the walls just closing in? I can listen if you want to have a vent.

[Janethegirl]

Sorry, but can't think of any practical help. Samaritans will always listen though.

[Crikeyblimey]

Nothing wise to offer but I'm here too. I'll listen and be here if you want to chat.

[nilbyname]

Here's a hand, and a listening ear.

[TarkaTheOtter]

I'm here to listen too. You're not alone.

[springalong]

I'm listening too.

[elementofsurprise]

I've ben really low... more than ususal, for about 10 days... like all day every day, not getting better. Having flashbacky things about moments i'm not supposed to (ie. not high-level trauma but feels like it to me). Tried to explain but he got cross saying I always had long explanations. I hate being so fucked up it takes ages to explain to a normal person. Peope think I'm making it up.

[notquitegrownup2]

Can you tell us something about yourself, element? How long have you felt like this? Has it crept up on you, or has something happened?

[notquitegrownup2]

Sorry X posted. Are you under a GP? Crisis team?

[elementofsurprise]

I'm so tired of trying, everyday, and managing less and less. Spent most of the ast week in bed. Milestone birthdy coming up and dont want tlive that long. Im so sorry, i dont know what the answers are. I have two close friends of which SO is one... I got scared of people and stopped making the effort to make new friends and maintain one-way friendships.. some of that is good I think but v lonely now.

[Janethegirl]

I'd try to make new contacts who may develop into friends but if SO is not on board it may not work. Is SO helpful/ useful to you with the way you feel??

[nilbyname]

Have you spoken to your GP about this? So you think you could make an app to do that tomorrow.

It's a horrible feeling when you feel like you're not being listened to.

[nilbyname]

That's my dd just woken up!

Keep talking on here x

[StupidBloodyKindle]

You know what OP? I have a saying, which some might think is self-indulgent, but it goes like this: if I am feeling something then it must be true. In other words, do not let anyone invalidate your feelings just because they might not think/react/feel/process things the way you do. You feel low so you are low, that simple, you are not doing it to bring someone else down, or attention seek, or having a pity party for one, You are low. That's nothing to feel guilty about or be given a hard time about. It just is.
So, ten days of feeling listless and low, with the added grimness of flashbacks, we can both agree is Not Good. You need a Plan. Do meds work for you? Are you on anything atm? Can you get to a GP in the morning? Basics...what are you having for breakfast? Have you got clean clothes for the morning? What can you do tomorrow to get you up and out the door?

[CycleChic]

Hey. unmumsnetty hugs your post here says that you want to live that long.

[StupidBloodyKindle]

Milestone birthdays suck. So have an unbirthday and celebrate tomorrow instead with a shower, pull on some clothes, put on some lippy and go and get a haircut and buy some .

[sherbetlemonD]

Please get some help if your feeling low OP- I know it is hard but you need it in order to move forward. Call your GP in the morning and demand an appointment. Samaritans are great- I had to contact them myself a few weeks ago and they were fantastic. I actually emailed them first but then spoke with someone on the phone which I found to be the most useful. I'm here for you =)

[Italiangreyhound]

elementofsurprise so sorry you are in this terrible place at the moment. Please do chat to Samaritans as well as us.

www.samaritans.org/

www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us


08457 90 90 90* (UK)
116 123 (ROI)


You can also email them, details on he website.

I would also say can you visit your GP doctor for some advice? If it is depression there is often a medical reason, as well as other things. And there are always solutions.

Bless you.

[elementofsurprise]

sorry for delayed reply, keep zoning out when next task seems too much... just needed to move and get laptop charger...

Erm. I'd fit in in the stately homes thread. Asked for help when realised I was still v unhappy even after leaving home. as labeled BPD (somewhat inaccurately imho but heyho) so appalling treatent/lack of, basically excluded from everything. Difficult years, diffuclt experiences eg. homeless. Passed. Got to happy place then broke down. That was nearly 5 yrs ago. Feel in a way like I've dealt with a lot of it but there's aways more. I can say abusive ex was a wanker and forget him, but other peoplesituations hurt so much and i cant forget because i cant understnd or process them in the same way. No help from services, private therapist weekly fr the past yr (services pushed me from pillar to post, random discharges, they dont even see the past 5 yrs as a continuous 'illness'! Despite me basically help seeking/trying to self-help for most of it)

[elementofsurprise]

I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense. i keep thinking i should die but im scared of oing to hell so i dont. i think its too late to get better. im so scared. i wish i wasnt me

[sherbetlemonD]

OP don't you dare think like that: you aren't giving yourself enough credit. To keep going as you are is an achievement in itself. Don't ever loose sight of that no matter what anyone else tells you. You are stronger than you realise.

You sound like you have been in a similar situation to what I'm in now. I have abusive parents, I've let them control me and my life for the past 23 years. It's incredibly tough getting people to understand if they haven't been through it themselves.

Can I ask what you do with yourself on a daily basis- do you work at all??

[Lonelylass1218]

I really to understand how you feel and I hope you manage to over come it, am here to hold your hand if you need to talk.

Don't stress yourself set small tasks for the next few days. If I was you right now I would start with

1. Call a help line forms good chinwag and let some steam off

1. Set an alarm to wake up early and ring GO for an appointment, you have said they haven't helped much in the past but they may have some advice this time so worth a try

1. After you make the appointment have some breakfast and a nice bath/shower

4 write out how you feel and issues you want to address so you can discuss it with GP and show the list if you get overwhelmed while talking.

1. Between now and the appointment try to relax and do things you enjoy maybe watch a movie or listen to music

1. I think socialising with some new people may help you get some new support so maybe join a hobby group or even get out of the house and go for a walk/shopping to the library etc

[elementofsurprise]

Right going to try to write it clearer.
Had coil fitted during a lapraoscopy almot 2 weeks ago. First few days was fine, I think the physical pain was a nice distraction/much easier to deal with, plus no guilt at not 'achieving' anything for a few days, slept lots, lovely. Then got massively depressed all day every for the last 10 days ish. Worried it's coil related. Fears of never having children relevant, though partner looks to be main issue there (have endo but not bad). Kind of want coil removed though can't face battle to gt it done.

Usually even in a low patch I would feel better in the evenings, even if I didnt everyday I would not be low all day every day for more than 2-3 days. I dont look like im falling apart except for not showering today and usually being in pyjamas... but I am fairly rigid in cleaning and eating healthy so manage these (usually) even if it's just a pile of salad and a cheese sarnie (cleaning I do more when unhappy/anxious). But manage little else.

The last few weeks (even before op) I've been having flshbacks nd intrusive memoroes of times I felt frightened, overwhelmed, alone and hurt by others (to the point of affecting susequent relations with others, through fear). This has got much worse in the last 10 days or being v low. I can't seem to process these memories and let them go, because I dont fully understand what happened, and they serve as 'evidence' im not worth much or need to be frightened/on guard/never relax. I cant relly talk about them because I'm not 'supposed' to be having a trauma reaction like this - SO said I need to forget them. Which I do, but I also know this sort of stuff isnt just forgotton like that. I've read the evidence and it seems perfectly 'allowable' that I am having this reaction to the most emotional/frightening moments of my life. However, trying to be strong and remember this is not something one can show because people get confused and cross if you seem to be strong but with a 'victim mentality' (SO didnt use those words but I get scared thats what people think). What I mean is, if you're just falling apart peope might understand, but if you're desperately trying to hold on and defend your fragile nothing self, and remind youself you did not deserve the bad things, people think you should just be able to get over it asap. I think if you can calmly explain (tho turmoil inside, I try to calmly explain because I am so deserate for the person to understand) they expect you can just rtionalise and forget it. But knowing you've been affected and articualitng that without being able to fix it it seen as inauthentic or attention seeking, or not trying or something.