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To be totally unimpressed and angry at DH

(64 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Lesausage Wed 27-May-15 21:04:31

My ds who is 4 hadn't been well today and this evening his eyes started swelling really badly. I suffer horrible panic attacks triggered by anything health accident wise with my dc.

I gave him piriton and called DH (he had gone out to play sport this evening) and after him not answering I left a message asking him to come home and called my mum who came round and calmed me down. Thank fuck my ds is ok, his eyes went down and I relaxed, ds relaxed and my parents went home.

About an hour later DH came home and I was upset and cried explaining what had happened. Turns out that he hadn't even taken his phone, it was on silent in the cupboard and had countless missed calls and messages from me.

DH has said sorry and said its the only time he hasn't taken his phone with him but I'm upset he didn't think, what about if it had been an emergency? What if something horrible happened?

My anxiety is horrible when it comes to the kids for various reasons which are being dealt with but I just feel a bit angry that DH didnt think and went out without a phone when he knows this.

He said sorry and I've accepted the apology and all is fine but inside I'm angry. AIBU to think he was selfish?

AlternativeTentacles Wed 27-May-15 21:07:53

Yes. Perhaps he needs a break from the anxiety? Nothing horrible did happen, did it?

If it had been an emergency - call an ambulance and get immediate help. The rest can wait.

cuntycowfacemonkey Wed 27-May-15 21:08:56

He forgot his phone, it happens. I don't think he was selfish. Anxiety sucks though flowers

If it had have been a true emergency your first priority would have been getting your ds to hospital which you and your mum would have done.

NerrSnerr Wed 27-May-15 21:10:00

We've all forgotten our phone at times surely? If it was an emergency you'd have called 999 and done what needed to be done.

VegasIsBest Wed 27-May-15 21:10:04

People did use to manage in the olden days before mobiles. You coped. Well done. Next time you'll have more confidence that you can manage yourself.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Wed 27-May-15 21:11:16

Had your DH deliberately left his phone at home or genuinely forgotten it?

chairmeoh Wed 27-May-15 21:11:32

I get that you have anxiety issues.
But If there had been a major emergency, you would have called an ambulance and then called the sports centre to track him down.
He made a mistake. Let it go. You're not going to be able to change what happened. He won't do it (intentionally) again.

Lesausage Wed 27-May-15 21:12:40

Of course I would of got an ambulance first priority but he was breathing ok and it was just his eyes and it started to subside 5 mins after the piriton.

DH knows how I react if something happens and he knows to always take his phone just in case there has been an instance when I haven't been able to reach him and it was an emergency

I hope he doesn't need a break from me sad I sincerely think he doesn't. Now tonight will be filled with nightmares, I hate my anxiety.

Ds is sleeping with me tonight so I can keep an eye and his eyes are only a bit swollen now. Thank god, my poor baby.

BertPuttocks Wed 27-May-15 21:13:19

I think it was just an oversight rather than selfishness.

Sorry to hear your ds has been unwell. flowers

cuntycowfacemonkey Wed 27-May-15 21:13:32

Knowing he has his phone is a false security anyway, he could lose it, the battery could die, he may not hear it ring, there could be no signal.

Iheartprosecco Wed 27-May-15 21:15:04


The police, fire brigade and ambulance are for an emergency. Not your dh.

I think you owe him an apology.

cuntycowfacemonkey Wed 27-May-15 21:15:52

In the kindest way you need to find a way to manage your anxiety and reactions to things like this it's not fair on your DH to say he is to be available at all times to handle your anxiety

Penfold007 Wed 27-May-15 21:16:07

OP you need to seek help and deal with your anxiety. Neither DCs or DH need to be burdened with this issue and you deserve better.

WellErrr Wed 27-May-15 21:16:20

It was just a mistake.

But.....and this comes from kindness - I really think you need help for your anxiety. Your reaction really was not normal, and counselling would probably really benefit you.

Anxiety is shit though flowers

Chottie Wed 27-May-15 21:17:29

I don't think your DP has been selfish either, it sounds like a genuine oversight.

No harm was done, your LO is fine and I hope you all sleep well flowers

AyMamita Wed 27-May-15 21:19:16

YABU and completely OTT. You need help!

Lesausage Wed 27-May-15 21:20:03

Anxiety is being managed, it won't get better over night. My anxiety and depression has been going on since I was 14 and I'm 29 now.

iheart I don't think I owe him an apology, at no point did I "have a go" or say I was angry confused. It went like this, DH comes home, I had a cried and explained what happened and I was trying to call him, he hugs me and says "I'm sorry I didn't take my phone", I say "that's ok" and we went and sat with our son.

Altinkum Wed 27-May-15 21:20:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat Wed 27-May-15 21:21:27

It's not the end of the world though slightly irritating.

Think of it this way, had there been a real emergency, your dh wouldn't have been able to do anything about it. He would have been too far away to help you.

Also, well done for dealing with it yourself, even if you did need your mum for reassurance, you had this all sorted and under control even if you didn't feel like you did at the time.

OP I understand you were stressed and anxious and I hope you are getting the help you need. However, you have to recognise that your DH can't always be available. If he was swimming he wouldn't have the phone with him, if he was driving on the motorway he shouldn't be answering it, if he was on the tube there wouldn't be a signal etc.

You need a back up plan for when your DH isn't available like phoning your mum as you did today.

Maybe83 Wed 27-May-15 21:22:18

Yes I think you are I suffer anxiety and it puts huge pressure on my dh.

It was a mistake they happen no body s perfect. You coped and came up with a plan. So being mad and punishing him after the fact won't help.

Purplepoodle Wed 27-May-15 21:22:18

Try and have more confidence in yourself. You made all the right decisions as a mum.

SunshineAndShadows Wed 27-May-15 21:23:20

He might know how you react but that doesn't make him responsible for your anxiety - you need to learn coping mechanisms to deal with the anxiety attacks flowers

I know it's hard to cope with, but it's unfair to make your DH responsible for managing your condition - that's something that you need to do.

It sounds as if your DH is genuinely supportive and just forgot his phone - he's human. I think he deserves an apology also

TheRainInTheWoods Wed 27-May-15 21:24:32

I have suffered horrific anxiety.

I can imagine feeling the way you do now. But it's because of the anxiety, not because your DH deserves it.

My DH tries so hard to understand how I feel when one of the children is ill. But he can't ever know the horrible, heart pounding, throat clutching terror that descends like a mist when the anxiety kicks in.

I hope your DS (and you) feel better soon.

Lesausage Wed 27-May-15 21:25:15

maybe I'd never punish my DH, I turned to Mumsnet to rant and talk about it, I'd never be mean to DH.

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