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Waiting for CPN

(23 Posts)
dontrunwithscissors Thu 21-May-15 11:37:08

Don't feel the need to respond. I'm waiting for CPN and really upset. Just need somewhere to post to distract myself.

dontrunwithscissors Thu 21-May-15 11:48:20

I hate this fucking waiting room. It's awkwrd. Sioence with people whispering. The CMHT has a weird smell. Feel so bloody weak to be back like this before. It just doeent end. Kids don't deserve this. They're lovely and I'm intectying them with my badness. I can smell rotting from myself. Evil. Does damage to your children warrant removing yourself? I'm being tortured.

dontrunwithscissors Thu 21-May-15 11:49:20

Bet she'll be running late. Usually is. She squeezed me in today so don't know how long I'll wait. Trying to not act too crazy in the waiting room. Although if you can't h crazy here I don't know where you can.

dontrunwithscissors Thu 21-May-15 11:51:18

Is it possible for this to actually be deep inside of me? Can it be intrinsic to you rather than bioooolgical? Pdoc says its biological but he can't feel this evil. You know how you feel don't yOu? So many questions and I'm trying to find the answers

dontrunwithscissors Thu 21-May-15 11:52:14

When I hug my kids I just feel sadness. That so fucking wrong. They're little faces full of mischief and joy.

dontrunwithscissors Thu 21-May-15 11:53:22

Hiding in the loo

MagpieCursedTea Thu 21-May-15 11:57:22

I don't like those waiting rooms either. It's good for you and your kids that you're getting support. That's what you all deserve. Hope the appointment goes well. I know I'm just a stranger on the internet but I'm here to listen if you need it.

dontrunwithscissors Thu 21-May-15 13:19:05

Thank you. It helps to be able to hide behind your hair and post in those places. I've got the crisis team for now with the option of hospital. God I'm so tired of doing this over and over.

MagpieCursedTea Thu 21-May-15 13:42:28

It's very hard work. Hopefully you'll find the crisis team as helpful as I did!

dontrunwithscissors Thu 21-May-15 14:23:57

Yes, unfortunately I know most of them from the many times I've been under them. Only five months since the last referral. They're generally good.

NotAJammyDodger Thu 21-May-15 14:25:02

Hiding in the loo. I do that too. Your not bad or mad. Just need some support. Hope your appointment went ok.

MagpieCursedTea Thu 21-May-15 14:28:44

I'm glad to hear they're generally good. Do you feel better for having a plan in place?

dontrunwithscissors Thu 21-May-15 17:00:00

Not really. I just want to go. Another 24 hours feels like torture. But I promised my cpn so will try my hardest to wait and see.

madeuplovesong44 Thu 21-May-15 20:10:25

How are you feeling now dontrun? Sounds like you have had a really rotten day.

dontrunwithscissors Thu 21-May-15 22:14:58

Thanks madeup, staring down the barrel of a long and sleepless night. Crisis team coming tomorrow. I'm just so tired.

madeuplovesong44 Fri 22-May-15 03:35:08

It's so relentless and exhausting coming through one episode only to be faced with another. Im my experience that is one of the most harrowing things about a mh condition. But, you know this horrific pain is temporary and you know you have the strength to come through the other side.

I really hope you have managed to get some rest tonight and that the crisis team are able to do something useful tomorrow. I will be thinking about you.

MagpieCursedTea Fri 22-May-15 08:51:14

How are you feeling this morning dontrun? Hope things go well with the crisis team today!

dontrunwithscissors Fri 22-May-15 10:43:48

Thanks. Woke up last night to hear a man calling my name. Terrified. Stopped this am.

dontrunwithscissors Fri 22-May-15 15:57:05

<<<<sigh>>> now I'm waiting for the crisis team. My life is a waiting room at the moment. Bored and tired of all this stuff.

MagpieCursedTea Fri 22-May-15 16:48:08

Sounds exhausting sad
Have they been now?

madeuplovesong44 Fri 22-May-15 18:47:57

Hope they were helpful?

How are you feeling now?

dontrunwithscissors Fri 22-May-15 20:04:55

They've been. Wanted me to go to hospital but have let me stay at home with DH. Feels excruciating.

MagpieCursedTea Fri 22-May-15 20:27:12

Personally I prefer recovering from an episode at home to being in hospital. Being in familiar surroundings helps doesn't it?
Did you find their visit helpful?

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