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Depression/breakdown after separation

(7 Posts)
Nevergoingtolearn Wed 20-May-15 14:02:20

I don't really know where to start but I have got to the point where I feel I may need help.

My dh moved out a month ago, I was the one who asked him to leave, he has mental health issues and on top of other problems I just couldn't take anymore.

We are still in contact and he cones over a couple times a week to see the dc's, we are very much on speaking terms but it's still very raw and emotional.

I am finding it incredibly hard being alone, some days I can keep busy but when I'm not busy I feel so lost on lonely, I spend a lot of time crying, I try not to cry I front of the dc's but this morning I was such a mess I had to call dh to cone and take the dc's to school. I'm finding it hard to sleep and find my mind doing crazy things and thinking random things, I can't sit still or settle in front of the TV, my concentration is poor and I'm starting to let the dc's down sad. I'm not sure what to do, last week I was really positive but this week I'm feeling almost suicidel sad, I feel I am failing my dc's and the guilt of removing their dad from the house is killing me. I know I can't gave dh back, I know he won't change but I am missing him so much, he was my best friend and I feel I have no one else I can talk too.

I want to be able to be strong for my dc's but I feel like I'm having a breakdown, I want to be able to be happy alone but it feels like it's killing me being alone. I know it's early days and I don't know if I should try and ride it out in risk of hitting rock bottom or do I go to the doctors and ask for help?

KatharineClifton Wed 20-May-15 18:24:00

I think it won't hurt to ask for help. It is still early days, yes. But the waiting list for counselling is usually very long, and even if it isn't then help will still be welcome.

You can do it alone, you might not think so now, but you can.

Nevergoingtolearn Thu 21-May-15 07:50:01

Thank you, feeling more positive today but have woke up with terrible anxiety, chest feels tight and I feel panicky sad I know things will get easier in time, I'm just not very good at looking into the future, it looks quite dark at the moment. Yesterday it would have been so easy to take dh back just to stop the pain but I know in the long run that wouldn't be good for either of us. I have spoken to dh and told him we both need to be strong and get used to being alone ( he is struggling too ) ,I don't know if talking to each other is really helping, it's probably making things worse as we end up upsetting each other.

NotAJammyDodger Thu 21-May-15 10:42:08

It is perfectly natural to feel grief at your loss of your relationship and partner even if it was your choice. It is a form of bereavement so please don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. Accept that your emotions and feelings are completely normal.

Have you considered posting in the relationships section as well for support and advice from people who have been through this? I'm sure there will be support groups (both online and in RL) that people can recommend for you to talk to. It is also worth asking your GP surgery if they know of any local networking groups for separation / divorce. You mention being alone is so (and naturally) very hard for you at the moment.

If you do see your GP they may know of / be able to refer you for an appropriate therapy, or might prescribe diazepam (Valium) for short term use, or perhaps an antidepressant. Neither of which you need to do, but it's another option if you find even the thought of getting out or talking to people too overwhelming at the moment.

I hope you are feeling brighter today.

gemsio Thu 21-May-15 11:30:46

Hi never, I just wanted to let you know, I am going through exactly the same thing at the moment.
Some days I feel fine and others I feel like I can't get out of bed.
It is a horrible thing to go through and it will take time. Maybe some counselling would help, you can go to relate on your own, I am considering it too.
Feel free to PM if you need to chat, I find sometimes it helps just to get it all written down, maybe even do a diary. I tend to get it all out on paper then throw it away and it does help.
My DH is not handling it well either even though he made the decision to leave, we feel like we can't really talk to other people about it, then like you we end up talking about it to eachother then get upset, it's a vicious circle isn't it?
Stay strong my love it will get easier with time, but I would maybe speak to your GP about the anxiety, as they will probably be able to help you.
It is a bereavement and will take time to adjust to the new life.
Just try and take care of yourself and surround yourself with good friends. xxsmile

Nevergoingtolearn Thu 21-May-15 14:13:33

Thank you gesmio, sorry you are going through this too, I am trying not to contact dh today, I did text him this morning to make sure he was ok and told him I couldn't speak today as I have one of the dc's home ( they don't need to hear us getting upset ), I'm going to try not to speak to him for a day or 2 as I feelimjust making him more upset.

I have kept busy today which has helped, I have nothing planned for tomorrow so I'm dreading getting out of bed and having nothing to do but think.

gemsio Thu 21-May-15 17:48:03

Yes, I think that's a good idea, give yourself and him a bit of space. Try and keep busy tomorrow and it's okay to think just don't dwell, hopefully there will be nice weather get outside. I struggle with the days with nothing planned too, it will get easier I promise. x

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