Carbonel - do you want to tell us more about your mental health problems. I suffer from intermittent depression and sometime it is severe, and I totally get the feeling that you have had enough, and I also know that often it feels like there is no-one who can help. GPs in my experience have limited knowledge about MH issues. They can diagnose depression and anxiety and prescribe ADs but that's about all. Not sure how well you get on with your CMHT - do you have a named CPN?
Do you have access to a psychiatrist I wonder. I do but I'm not keen on seeing them because they seem so aloof and make me feel that my MI is trivial compared to some of the more complex mental illnesses, like psychosis etc.
SO it can seem like we are on our own with it all - MN has got me through many a dark hour as I find it easy to interact to others on a screen (so to speak) than to try to explain how I feel to others because unless you've experienced MH issues yourself, I don't think you can have a clue how bad it can feel at times.
Oh OP, so sorry to hear how you feel about things and I wish I could help but I am not very experienced at all in things like this. I do kind of relate to what you are saying but only in a small way. I have in the past at low points looked at a cemetery and thought how restful it must be, but have known that, having dcs, that was not an option. I have also felt at times they would be better off without me but now I am well again, I totally do not feel that way any longer. It is like having two selves. Both are real but the one I am now is a lot easer to be.
I really hope and hope again that you can find your way out of this.
I was lucky and found the right counsellor, who used CBT and some post-traumatic counselling techniques, and drugs, and a lot of exercise, and I did come out of it but it had not been with me for long. I can remember the pain though, and it sounds as though yours is a lot worse and has been with you for a lot longer.
Please give the services you can get hold of a try and try looking for others if they are not improving things for you. It is not just one illness that needs the same treatment for everyone, it can take a long time to find the right way for yourself. Others might have more specific suggestions. Everyone on here will be really hoping you find it soon.
I really wish you the very best, people out here do care.
Hi Carbonel, We're sorry that we had to delete that last post as it did break our posting guidelines, unfortunately. We would strongly urge you to seek RL help as soon as possible if you are having such dark thoughts. Please contact the Samaritans, by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org or calling 08457 90 90 90. You can also see the resources in our Mental Health webguide here. www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health Of course you are welcome to seek support on here, indeed you seem to have a lot of virtual friends who would love to help you on MN, but it's no substitute for real life and we must ask you to stay within guidelines.
Usually when people post about ending their life and say they have a plan etc they don't usually come back on the thread, but that doesn't mean they have actually ended their life, though we can't know that of course. I think it's far more likely that they haven't gone ahead with any plan, so I don't think people should be unduly worried.
Wonderful Carbonel. I'm so happy. I didnt read your other post, just this thread....am so glad that you made it! Please keep working on whatever will help you live your life and look forward to a brighter future. Do talk to people. I'm glad they are being kind to you in hospital.