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get so stressed with my toddler making me feel so bad

(9 Posts)
lazyminimoo Tue 20-Jan-15 23:50:30

i have a 25 month old and find looking after him mainly just stressful, its really bad and i feel sick and awful at how horrible this is, i never really thought i could have the patience for any child but got preg accidentally and i was going to abort but my partner would have left me if i did that so i couldnt kill his baby and have him hate me, he said he would do all of the work if i couldnt or didnt want to but ofcourse i live with my son and i look after him too but it has been my partner doing more like 75 percent of the work,,,, i love my son but i have never had patience for his crying or any part of it, i have to look after him more now then before im being left on my own with him more as partner is more busy with looking after his parents,

thing is that really i cant see myself ever changing i get so stressed with my son when he is being demanding and its made worse as he has very little speech , i feel so stressed when im trying to cook and he is in the kitchen too making demands and wanting attention , i feel so tired after iv looked after him for a few hours alone, im not a good mum i know for sure, i have shouted at him when most mums wouldnt have for small things but i am so so stressed at anything,,,, i get stressed with anyoone watching me in the kitchen but its worse if its a toddler who is moaning or crying, i hate being a cow, im a horrible person but i cant stay calm an not feel its too intense its just too much i cant look after him and stay calm and happy all day ,,, i really do love him but i just dont want to be looking after him. but this makes me a bad person, how can i live happily with myself when i have no patience for my own son it makes me cry so much

today has just been bad and i hate this i shut myself in the bathroom when he was really getting to much for me i try i do try he wanted a piggy back i ran with him up an down the hall him on my back but when i stopped as its hurting my back he is a crying mess again i dont know if im doing it right i do try but things dont go how i want.. i want him to be older be easier but it will be another year maybe till hes easier and speaking and i will carry on feeling depressed and not good about my life

im depressed by the way i am i wish i was a mum who had patience and didnt mind playing or feel tired of it so quickly , i dont mind looking after my son if he was calm and happy all the time but i really feel like i hate it when he is boistrous or crying for anything or just being demanding and i cant fix it as he is saying no to most things i offer him

i feel bad for looking after him and i feel bad an embarrassed for actually having a son because i didnt want one because i am a very stressed anxious plus lazy person who didnt want the pressure of a kid but now i have i know i have to carry on with it an i dont want to run off an leave him but i feel depressed and guilty for not being a normal mum and not being able to cope with small streses that most dont even blink at sigh

notonyourninny Tue 20-Jan-15 23:54:03

Are you recieving any treatment for your depression? That sounds hardflowers

Are you able to put DS in childcare fir a couple of days a week? You may be able to access funding through HV?

notonyourninny Tue 20-Jan-15 23:55:54

Also, practically, do you get out with DS much? Toddler groups were you can chat to other adults?

As far as preparing food, do you make it easy, ready meals with some prepared salad?

Have you got anybody with dc the ssme age you can meet with?

lazyminimoo Wed 21-Jan-15 00:44:18

ya i take him to nursery as i was excited to have him go as its a break but i even find an hour with him stressful , its like anytime with him atall is stressful to me unless he is being really good and calm an happy, maybe i posted this in the wrong section i dont think im clinically depressed i didnt see another section i should post in,

I just find anything stressful really i have social anxiety to an i dont think there is any help the doctors could do to resolve that, i just intend to hide away an only see my partner an occasionally family , i dont mind too much about the social anxiety an having to stay away from ppl,

I just dont know why its so hard for me to feel relaxed in my sons presence , everyone talks about getting fed up and stressed with their kids at times but they are normal i think this im very bad , its like my personality is wrong and im not meant to have a son , i am an awful person who gets annoyed very easily and gets aggravated and stressed over little things, so i always knew my son was going to be the most annoying thing that would stress me the most

i would love to not be a stressy awful mean person , i would take tablets if they would stop me being so irritable that i scream outloud to myself everyday mostly , but i took some before i didnt see a difference , maybe its all hormones , but it dont seem like there is a cure for them

so guess i have to hope my son will understand when he is older that mummy is just crazy and couldnt help being this way but i loved him even tho i was never a good mum

Millie2013 Wed 21-Jan-15 06:41:31

There are many different types of tablets to try, so please don't worry that having tried one type, there are none that will help. Please go and have a chat with your GP, you sound desperate and this isn't something you can face alone.

windchimes23 Wed 21-Jan-15 08:45:28

You are not a bad person. You're depressed and stressed looking after a demanding toddler. I have two toddlers and god they are irritating. The constant demands, the whinging and general monotony.

I do love them but when I was in the depths of depression I swore I didn't. I told my husband that we could have them adopted or I could just leave and get my own flat and hide away. I was just so bloody fed up with them.

My eldest can now talk properly and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel with her. She is becoming a person rather than a needy and demanding baby.

I too wasn't into children, my husband wanted them. I agreed to have one, the second was a bonus baby (I wanted to abort, DH said please don't). Can you tell I don't do babies? I think people have different skills with children, and some of us are just not baby people. I have seen this at the nursery they go to, some of the carers are great with babies, some with toddlers and some with pre-schoolers. I don't think the all round perfect mother who loves every stage exists.

What you are feeling is not outside the bounds of normal but it is being excaherbated by the depression and anxiety that you have. Please speak to your GP, try ADs and see if you can get some talking therapy.

Unmumsnetty hugs to you x

windchimes23 Wed 21-Jan-15 08:49:27

*exacerbated (apologies for random bad spelling).

BeggarsCantBeChoosers Wed 21-Jan-15 09:14:14

You're not alone. I have similar feelings about my DS, and he was very much wanted! So it is probably harder for you from that point of view, although I don't doubt you love your DS as much as I love mine.

But I feel bad when I grit my teeth each time he cries or is needy, or if, I am ashamed to admit, I am short tempered with him hmm

I have an illness that makes me so exhausted and I feel like this much more on the days that I am least well. On the rare days that I feel a bit stronger, I cope with him a lot better and feel much better about him when he's needy being a normal 18 month old.

You're right in thinking that you'll be in a much better place when he turns 3. But it's how you get from here to there isn't it? For me, I tried a bunch of different coping strategies, some worked and some didn't. Like for example, when he's tired at the end of the day (like me!) and yelling while I try to sort out dinner, I put him in his high chair behind me and give him frozen petit pois to eat. He loves the feel of them and I think the cold is soothing for his teeth. I get a few minutes peace, and often when he's finished I can get him down for a short while before he starts up again.

I sometimes give him an ellas kitchen pouch instead of cooking him a dinner, partly because he lovely the chicken casserole one, and partly because it saves me listening to his yells as I cook his food! Sometimes he will eat twice, but always feeding him settles him for a bit.

I find I feed him little morsels here and there to just get a quiet life! Also, for boisterous boys, getting out of the house is vital. Sadly I can't always do that because of my illness, but when I can, I do. There is something about being outside of these 4 walls that does us all the power of good, even if it's a mundane walk around the block in the rain. Actually then often prefer that because they love puddles! One we get back to the house it's like the spell has been broken for a little while, which although is physically demanding, is mentally less so.

It wouldn't surprise me if you have a touch of either depression or PND, because you're in a situation you didn't choose, and one you find hard. I'm in the same boat but for different reasons (trapped by an illness), but it creates the same desperation I think. I booked myself in for counselling is the health visitor, but they confirmed I wasn't depressed, just that it's normal to feel like this when your body makes you feel bad iyswim. But it's worth a go to see if you can help yourself on your journey in the next year until things get a bit easier for you.

Oh and by the way, don't be fooled by all the other Mums who seem to have it together! I once confided in a friend about how I struggle and she was amazed. Apparently on the surface I look like I am a natural and have everything neatly under control - haha if only!

One last thing, it is with observing what other people do to silence their screaming kids, and maybe read a bit on Dr Google too. That way you might gather an army of ideas to try out and see which might work for you. Good luck and try not to feel bad about yourself, it's not true and it won't help you!

notonyourninny Wed 21-Jan-15 10:23:01

Op, i do think a trip to the doctor may help. There are loads if tablets out there and councilling. Its worth a try right?

Does your ds sleep in the day? I often used to nap when he did, still doze off all the time now thats another thread but that gives you an hour or twos rest and break.

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