Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

Co-dependent? Please Help.

(6 Posts)
MoreThanAWoman Tue 13-Jan-15 21:19:55

I am shocked to admit I think I am one. Which I have been in complete denial about. It is not who I thought I was or saw myself being.

I had the most unexpected conversation the other day with a total stranger. I told this person so many things I have never said to another human being before. It seemed very surreal. I am realising now I think my best friend has been trying to point this out nicely for some time.

In the past few days I have been doing a bit of soul searching and admitting some home truths to myself.

My life keeps going round in the same circle.

Each of the three serious relationships I've had have ended for the same reasons.

I have moved house so many times believing I will be happier.

I am anxious all the time, fret over things that are actually ridiculous, worry constantly about what people think about me, go over things I've said that may have offended or hurt other people, go over the past constantly.

I have been in an on off relationship for 7 years that is no good for me but I can't seem to stop it. He makes me feel terrible about myself and meets none of my emotional needs, he will never change yet I keep trying to change him.

I invest all of myself into my relationships and have achieved none of my own ambitions through it not suiting my partner.

God. I didn't see myself like this. But it's true. I am all of the above and more.

My stranger said had I ever saw myself as "co-dependent?" I was like absolutely not!
I am realising now I think my best friend has been trying to point this out nicely for some time.

Having done some reading about this now I tick all the boxes and display all of the behaviours.

How do I change?

MyCrazyLife Tue 13-Jan-15 21:26:04


I am very similar to you... Right down to the house moves!

However, I have very much overcome being co-dependent. It wasn't easy, as I also had to push through the anxiety. I forced myself to do things; play dates, nights out in town, baby groups, meals out with new friends, exercise classes... They gave me my confidence back and made me see that I am bloody amazing, and I am my own person, not half of my husband.

I finally found a house that I love so don't feel that urge to move like I used to.

Once your confidence starts coming back, you'll care so much less what people think.

MoreThanAWoman Tue 13-Jan-15 21:49:23

Thanks mycrazylife lol great username. Im so happy you overcame yours and have a life of your own now and feel you are your own person.

I honestly don't even know where to begin. I am still reeling at admitting all of this to myself. Im not a young thing not ancient either though.

MyCrazyLife Wed 14-Jan-15 08:28:22

Aha thank you... It is crazy!

Maybe start with seeing the GP, and ask for counselling?

There are also unite a few books on self-esteem and co-dependency.

Anything you've been making up excuses not to do? Do it. This week.

MyCrazyLife Wed 14-Jan-15 08:29:25

Unite? Quite a few!

MoreThanAWoman Wed 14-Jan-15 11:02:15

Good morning Mycrazy I will. I think now I have admitted this to myself and accepted it I can start addressing it.

I have filled in my Uni application that is something I have always wanted to.
There are many of my behaviours I am needing to change and think I am going to work on these one at a time rather than tackling them all at once!

I have always wanted to move away from where I stay (long story) my sister says this is simply running away (must learn not to tell others too much as it then influences what I decide to do). I would love a fresh start for myself and DS.

I appreciate only I can change my life, think I've been waiting in the hope it would simply happen. I have been so busy for the last 20 years working on what ever relationship I was in and saw my self worth based solely on it, again these relationships follow such a similar pattern. I do all the giving and never get anything back which confirms to me I am not worth it.

Oh yes lots of truths to accept and changes to make. I see it has been easier for me to stay stuck in this circle of life even though its actually very damaging.

Ok day one of change! Yes unite the co-dependents we can do this!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now