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Feeling distraught.

(20 Posts)
Flambola Sun 11-Jan-15 19:33:04

I've just chucked my husband out of the house. Now I'm drinking and self-medicating and I don't know what I want. I've had quite severe depression in the past but my baby was still born on Christmas day and I feel bereft and life is never going to get better for me. What's the point? In and out of foster care as a child, abused, physically abused by dad, overdoses... And then finally things look up and then this happens. What have I done? I don't understand.

NanaNina Sun 11-Jan-15 19:45:41

Oh you poor love. BUT you need to stop drinking and taking medication. SO so sorry that your baby was stillborn. That's so terrible and it's small wonder you're feeling bereft. There is an organisation that supports people in your position SANDS (Stillbirth and neo natal death Society) well I think that's right.

Why have you "chucked your husband out" ? Come and talk if it helps.

TwosaCrowd Sun 11-Jan-15 21:21:15

I read your other thread, can you go to A&E to seek help?

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Sun 11-Jan-15 21:51:49

There is nothing you have done wrong.

Please seek help and the support.

Why have you chucked your husband out, is it possible for you to phone him to come back.

I am very sorry that your baby was still born, but it is not your fault.

Please go to the SANDS website, it's very useful and supportive.

ASunnyTiger Sun 11-Jan-15 21:54:46

Flambola I saw your other thread, I really hope you're ok right now and on your way to getting the help you need. I can't imagine the pain you must be in right now, sometimes life can be really cruel and unfair, but this is not your fault, you haven't done anything to deserve this. I really hope in time you will be able to see that. I know that when you're in a dark place people say things and none of it seems true. Myself and others are thinking of you.

HappySunflower Sun 11-Jan-15 21:56:13

Thinking of you, and hoping that your husband is with you now.

Bisgetti Sun 11-Jan-15 21:56:29

Hi Flambola, I saw your other thread and came over here to offer my virtual support.

I'm so sorry about your baby, please try to remember you did noting wrong.

Talk to us here if it helps I am looking after my poorly mum so will be around for most of the night.

Millie2013 Sun 11-Jan-15 21:59:00

Such intolerable pain, I'm so sorry
Have you got some real life support right now?

KeatsiePie Sun 11-Jan-15 22:05:08

Thinking of you too. You have done nothing wrong and I am so very sorry that life is dark and hard right now thanks

thornrose Sun 11-Jan-15 22:12:10

No wonder you are feeling distraught and bereft. Do you have RL support?

SauvignonBlanche Sun 11-Jan-15 22:13:32

I'm very sorry about your son.

It's impossible to make sense of such a terrible loss. I know the natural thing is to try and find a reason why something so awful happens but it's certainly not your fault.

iamnotthemoronwhisperer Sun 11-Jan-15 22:25:48

I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are not alone, so many people have been trying to make sure that you are alright. There is support available, and you deserve all the support you can get. There will always be someone on mn for you too.


RaisingMen Sun 11-Jan-15 22:29:06

I'm so very sorry Flambola flowers

TheyLearnedFromBrian Sun 11-Jan-15 22:50:40

Followed your threads here Flambola.

I hope you are now safe tonight and speaking to people.

This is the darkest time. You just have to get through it, day by day, keep going on. There is no pattern, there's no why. Just terribly bad luck. Please, please talk to people if you can, stay safe, and just keep on putting one foot in front of the other.

I'm so sorry to hear about your James. A lovely name for a lovely boy. He will never be forgotten.

NeolithicBiscuit Sun 11-Jan-15 22:59:09

So sorry you are having such a tough time. And have had so much to put up with in the past, but like before, you will find the strength to get through this. Use real life friends, call them in the middle of the night, rant, cry, do what ever you need, they will understand. Post on here or ring Samaritans (I did this when in total despair and worried about what I might do, and just spilled it all out while they listened.....then I was exhausted but could sleep for a few hours and it got me through another night. Do this for several nights if it helps). Keep on talking about your baby to friends...let them know you are still hurting and still need them, hopefully your husband too if you can sort things out. Don't think you 'should get over it'. Keep talking and asking for the support you need. My friend's baby died at birth, and months later, we both sat down and cried together for hours in a shopping centre cafe just kept bubbling out... but it needs to. Eventually, very slowly things picked up for her and now she is in a good situation. She has more children now but we never forget her first. I hope this will happen for you too, one day things will lift a bit and you will get your old strengths back and move forward again. For now, I wish you some comfort, you are a lovely person, a very sad thing has happened, but the sadness will not define your future forever. Be kind to yourself. There will be good days again, small happinesses and big ones, laughter and sunshine. Keep talking. Ask for RL and Mumsnet company every day. It will seem impossible now but tiny steps will get you through. You deserve happiness and it will come back. Much love flowers

lemisscared Sun 11-Jan-15 23:02:48

You haven't done anything wrong. Life can be so very cruel sometimes sad

IT is pefectly natural that you feel so bereft - is there anyone you can call to come and sit with you?

Did you chuck your DH out because he was being a bastard or did you just have a row? can you ask him to come back? (sorry don't know the back story of this).

You can ring the samaritans if you need to hear a voice xx

NotYouNaanBread Mon 12-Jan-15 08:49:47

I'm so very sorry for your terrible loss. You sound like a lovely, strong and resourceful woman. I hope you are feeling a little better this morning.

BuntyCollocks Mon 12-Jan-15 09:05:22

Flambola, I am so very sorry about your baby. I until recently lived near your area - probably you attended the same hospital as I did, and my lovely friend did, too. Her little boy was stillborn Sept 2013, and she attends the SANDS meetings in that area. They are run by a fantastic woman who has helped my friend immeasurably.

I urge you to contact them, and to be kind to yourself. Sending love your way.

LotsaDots Mon 12-Jan-15 11:19:47

I am on the Wirral & have pm'd you. Please get in touch if you want to. hope you're feeling better this morning x

LotsaDots Mon 12-Jan-15 11:21:13

Sorry I mean, I hope you're feeling better than you were I don't expect you to be better xx

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