I've just chucked my husband out of the house. Now I'm drinking and self-medicating and I don't know what I want. I've had quite severe depression in the past but my baby was still born on Christmas day and I feel bereft and life is never going to get better for me. What's the point? In and out of foster care as a child, abused, physically abused by dad, overdoses... And then finally things look up and then this happens. What have I done? I don't understand.
Oh you poor love. BUT you need to stop drinking and taking medication. SO so sorry that your baby was stillborn. That's so terrible and it's small wonder you're feeling bereft. There is an organisation that supports people in your position SANDS (Stillbirth and neo natal death Society) well I think that's right.
Why have you "chucked your husband out" ? Come and talk if it helps.
Flambola I saw your other thread, I really hope you're ok right now and on your way to getting the help you need. I can't imagine the pain you must be in right now, sometimes life can be really cruel and unfair, but this is not your fault, you haven't done anything to deserve this. I really hope in time you will be able to see that. I know that when you're in a dark place people say things and none of it seems true. Myself and others are thinking of you.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are not alone, so many people have been trying to make sure that you are alright. There is support available, and you deserve all the support you can get. There will always be someone on mn for you too.
I hope you are now safe tonight and speaking to people.
This is the darkest time. You just have to get through it, day by day, keep going on. There is no pattern, there's no why. Just terribly bad luck. Please, please talk to people if you can, stay safe, and just keep on putting one foot in front of the other.
I'm so sorry to hear about your James. A lovely name for a lovely boy. He will never be forgotten.
So sorry you are having such a tough time. And have had so much to put up with in the past, but like before, you will find the strength to get through this. Use real life friends, call them in the middle of the night, rant, cry, do what ever you need, they will understand. Post on here or ring Samaritans (I did this when in total despair and worried about what I might do, and just spilled it all out while they listened.....then I was exhausted but could sleep for a few hours and it got me through another night. Do this for several nights if it helps). Keep on talking about your baby to friends...let them know you are still hurting and still need them, hopefully your husband too if you can sort things out. Don't think you 'should get over it'. Keep talking and asking for the support you need. My friend's baby died at birth, and months later, we both sat down and cried together for hours in a shopping centre cafe ...it just kept bubbling out... but it needs to. Eventually, very slowly things picked up for her and now she is in a good situation. She has more children now but we never forget her first. I hope this will happen for you too, one day things will lift a bit and you will get your old strengths back and move forward again. For now, I wish you some comfort, you are a lovely person, a very sad thing has happened, but the sadness will not define your future forever. Be kind to yourself. There will be good days again, small happinesses and big ones, laughter and sunshine. Keep talking. Ask for RL and Mumsnet company every day. It will seem impossible now but tiny steps will get you through. You deserve happiness and it will come back. Much love
Flambola, I am so very sorry about your baby. I until recently lived near your area - probably you attended the same hospital as I did, and my lovely friend did, too. Her little boy was stillborn Sept 2013, and she attends the SANDS meetings in that area. They are run by a fantastic woman who has helped my friend immeasurably.
I urge you to contact them, and to be kind to yourself. Sending love your way.