Saw the doctor for depression on Weds, but now I feel better. WWYD?

[ASunnyTiger]

Ok I feel quite silly, but I saw the doctor on Weds as I'd been feeling bad and suspected I'd had depression for quite a while. I was already feeling a bit better when I saw her but decided to go anyway as it had been an issue I'd been considering for months. She prescribed me sertaline and is getting the HV to contact me to see what else they could do to help me. Only now I'm thinking I'm actually fine and kind of regret having gone to see her.

I do know before that things were fairly bad. I'd become irritable and finding it hard to cope with the kids (2.6 and 3 months), I was crying a lot, sometimes I felt so bad I genuinely wanted to smash my head against a wall - though obviously wouldn't do that. I was getting so upset I was even thinking I might separate from my husband, this was just before Christmas. But whilst all that was going on I was staying up until midnight just trying to get everything done, I was drinking 4 or 5 cans of Pepsi every day, and was barely setting my husband because of how often he was going to see his friends. I've been making more of an effort to get to bed at a reasonable time, my husband hasn't been going out as much, DD has just started preschool for 2 mornings a week which I think has really eased the pressure, and I've stopped binging on Pepsi. So all this week I've actually felt better and like I'm doing a much better job of being a mum to my kids. So now I'm wondering, do I really need the meds or have all the changes I've made been enough in themself to make my life better? I'm questioning whether I was even really depressed, or whether life circumstances had just mucked me up for a bit.

I was supposed to start the drugs on Wednesday, but I still haven't yet because I can't decide whether I really need to or not. Plus I'm BFing DS and the thought of putting something into him without knowing how it might affect him makes me feel guilty.

So I'm just wondering, in this situation what would you do? Would you start them or hold of? Sorry this was so long!

[WanderingTrolley1]

With your new circumstances, as long as they stay the same, I'd probably hold off for a week or so. If you're still feeling down, I think you should start taking the medication.

I'm on Sertraline and put off seeing the GP about my depression for 8 months - as I'd still have some good days. I crashed massively and wouldn't advise anyone to reach that place. I have 2 under 2 and I couldn't function.

[Jinglebellsarenearlyhere]

I had the same experience. What I did was was get the prescription made up and every morning for a week decided yes or no to taking them. I ended up not taking them as I was ok. I think that I had sufficiently improved enough to go to the docs. However 6 months later I needed them and took them, and still do. Listen you your self and body but be realistic and if in doubt speak to the docs again. If you don't want to go in again ask for a phone consult n

[Trooperslane]

Agree with trolley.

Plus sertraline is fine when bf.

Hope you keep feeling better - caffeine really aggravates my anxiety so walk away from the Pepsi!

[ASunnyTiger]

Thanks all, I think I will hold off. Should I phone the GP up to let them know or just leave it for now? I don't want them to think I'm just wasting their time.

Also it makes sense what you said about being sufficiently improved to see the doctor Jingle, I think that's also what happened here - I've been putting off setting anyone for months.

[ColouringInQueen]

For me there was also a sense of relief once I'd finally seen the gp, been open about how rubbish I felt and received her support. Maybe that's playing a part. Anyhow I echo other's advice to just see how you go over the next week. More sleep, less Pepsi and preschool are good, but there's no shame in taking ADs. All the best.

[icklekid]

I'd suggest keep talking to the health visitor. Give it a few weeks- if you feel like you need them take them if not go back to gp so they can best support you. Good luck sounds like both you and your dh have made some positive changes

[Clobbered]

Another vote for "wait and see". Sounds like you have made some really sensible changes and are looking after yourself, and it's great that you have turned a corner. I wouldn't bother speaking to your GP again for now. They don't "need" to know that you haven't started the treatment as a matter of any urgency, and you could just mention it next time you are at the surgery. I think it's a good idea to put on record that you didn't take the treatment if that's how things work out in the end.

[Jinglebellsarenearlyhere]

I agree with clober. No need to tell docs now. Another thing I did as a safety mechanism as it were was to tell a good friend to tell me if she thought I needed to take them. An independent viewpoint helped me not fret to much but also address fears of wether I would notice myself going down hill and miss an opportunity for pharmaceutical intervention.

[SilverStars]

Agree talking things through with HV sounds good idea, as they can talk about side effects with bf and whether you have pnd or as you say life was stressful and you made changes to improve it. She may be able to offer support groups, a children's centre worker ( they offer that in my county) for extra support on days you have 2 children if needed etc.

[ASunnyTiger]

Ok another question if anyone is still here and doesn't mind. Sometimes I'm quite a shit mum, and I should feel awful and really bad about myself, but actually I feel nothing. For instance, I shouted at my daughter today to get out of the way as I was trying to sit down. It was in an aggressive tone, DD was already overtired and upset from missing out on her nap so this sent her into hysterics. I should have felt bad about it, I know it's a horrible thing to do. I felt nothing.
I really struggle to feel empathy for my children sometimes, I know I should or should at least feel bad when I've reacted quite badly, but a lot of the time I don't feel anything. Is it just me? Am I just a horrible person? Would drugs help with this? Or are talking therapies/self help techniques better for this?
I don't like being this way with my children, I want to stop and be able to empathise, not respond with shittiness and anger.

[ColouringInQueen]

Feeling nothing can be a classic symptom of depression. For me increased irritability and anger are also worsened when I'm depressed.
Everyone gets frustrated and angry with their kids sometimes. Do you think you could talk with your hv or gp about this - sounds like it would be worth exploring

[ASunnyTiger]

I did talk about irritability and snapping at DD with the GP, it's the main thing I'm concerned about as I don't want to be a bad mum. I haven't heard from the HV yet, nit sure how long it takes them to contact you after a GP referral - though saying that I guess I could be pro active and contact them myself.

[ColouringInQueen]

That's a good start. When I was ill I wasn't great with my kids. ADs and counselling have def helped me be a better mum.

[ASunnyTiger]

Whilst I'm waiting to get things going I've also downloaded an app called Mood Tools, it seems to be based on CBT principles. I'm hoping that will help as well, will contact HV on Monday.

[tobysmum77]

pnd can come and go, I reckon take the meds particularly having read your second post.