There is no point in me

[moonlightsonata1914]

I feel like I have no purpose. I am separated. Children live with their father. I feel like a shit mother. They would be better without me. What kind of mother just walks away? I can't see any point in my life.

[IsawJimmykissingSantaClaus]

Of course there is a point to you. This is a hard time of year to get through. Have you got anyone in real life to talk to?

[moonlightsonata1914]

I have a boyfriend who is very supportive but I can't talk to Anyone because I just feel so ashamed :(

[JaneAHersey]

Talking to the Samaritans is an excellent way to talk about your desperate feelings without being judged. I say that from personal experience. As for parenting, no parent is perfect although society expects them to be.

[moonlightsonata1914]

I just disappoint everyone. My mum keeps saying things like 'don't loose touch with the children' and 'are you still seeing the kids' whenever we talk. I know she thinks I'm a failure because they don't live with me.

Fwiw I do see them, I didn't just walk out and not go back

[FaithLoveandGrace]

Oh moonlight of course there is a point to you! I'm sure your children wouldn't be better off without you. If you really can't talk to anyone in RL, do you feel able to perhaps share a little bit more with us?

I wonder also if perhaps it could help to speak to your GP about seeing a counsellor? You wouldn't need to tell your GP any specifics about what's troubling you and anything you said to your counsellor would be strictly confidential. I do think you deserve RL support though.

[WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes]

Of course there is a point to you love. Your children love you. Your parents love you.

Make a positive plan for the New Year. What could you do to feel better about your life? Make some goals.

[Blanketontheground]

Your children need you. They just don't know how much yet. If they are happy and healthy living with their dad then you've done an incredible thing - far braver than most. As they get older they will need you in a different way. The next few days will be hard. Just put one foot in front of the other. Seek help - please. You cannot fix this yourself, and that's ok. That's why we have so many services in place to help all the people who feel like you do. Take care my love xx

[moonlightsonata1914]

I have days where I can't get out of bed. And that means I can't go and see the kids and then I feel guilty. I just feel useless. I know that everyone is judging me. I just feel really lost. I can't see my life ever getting better. I can't see a future.

[FaithLoveandGrace]

moonlight have you spoken to your GP? It sounds like you're depressed. You're not useless! Depression is an illness just like any other. Sorry to use the cringeworthy analogy but you wouldn't expect someone with a broken leg to be up and about and acting as if nothing is wrong. Just because some illnesses are mental, it doesn't mean you should just be able to cope with them.

[moonlightsonata1914]

I really don't want to. I hate talking to people about stuff like this. I tried once and was told that I was a bit down after my separation and it was to be expected.

[FaithLoveandGrace]

I understand it being difficult. It took me months to speak to my GP about things. Whilst I agree it's normal to feel down after a separation, this sounds like something more. Could you write down how you feel and hand it to them, that way you don't have to say much? Please think about going though, you deserve the support :)
Sending safe hugs and warm thoughts your way x

[GoldenKelpie]

for you, OP. The fact you've started this thread shows that you want to deal with these feelings. It's brave, and you'll need to be even more brave to walk into the doctor's surgery to talk about this.

For me, living with shame for existing is debilitating and sometimes overwhelming; it is something I have learned to live with. I have learned to challenge the negative thoughts head on when they start. In time things have improved and shame no longer dominates.

I echo what other posters have pointed out, you have made the best decision for your children. I know it doesn't seem like that just now, but when you are well you will see that more clearly. Also, you are projecting what you think others are thinking about you. It is probably not so at all.

I hope you can find comfort with the sympathy, warmth and understanding that you are getting from your thread. Good Luck.

[Blanketontheground]

Just consider asking for help. What harm can it do? Keep talking. I'm listening xx

[moonlightsonata1914]

I feel worse today than I did when I posted before. Another year older tomorrow and nothing to show for it. I don't want to move today but I promised I'd be with my kids today. I just want to stay in my room and just lay here.

[moonlightsonata1914]

Ex H didn't even get a card for my birthday from the kids :(

[Psycobabble]

Hey :)

Does your ex h know how low you feel perhaps he could do more to support your relationship with your children !

I'm sorry you feel this way, your definitely depressed it's such a horrible feeling and staying in bed seems like the only thing you can do iv definitely felt like that before but the thing is you are worth more than that, you just can't see it . I bet your kids adore you.

I know it's scary but go to your gp you need some help and once you get that help things will start to improve and youl have the energy and strength to build a good relationship with your kids. And from that youl get confidence and happiness ... You've just got to make that first step xxxxx

[moonlightsonata1914]

He doesn't care. He's only bothered about when I see the kids when it benefits him (like when he needs a baby sitter). I've turned up before and they've been out when he knows I was meant to be coming over. It's not easy getting to their house from mine. I cried the whole way home.