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Pregnant and very depressed(2 Posts)
So here goes.... I am currently 7 weeks pregnant and know that am going through depression. I need advice as I feel its me that losing it at the moment... I met my husband 15yrs ago (he was my first love), I fell pregnant and he did a cave man issue on me. I had an abortion as I didn't want to raise a child without a father, I know, silly, but I was 22, scared, fearful and from the Asian community. I went to the abortion myself, which killed me and never let me be the same.
14yrs down the line and his now back in my life telling me how he misses me and always thought about me, at this time he was with is partner of 4yrs whom he had a boy from. He told me me that they finished and that the relationship has ended. She, his Ex however was still living in his home and taking her sweet 7 months to move out, I was patient and never pushed the situation, I even told him to sort this previous relationship out and then come back to me once its sorted, but he insisted that we stay together.
So this is where the real issue starts... We were on and off for most of 2013, we even broke of for the whole of December 2013, because I couldn't deal with the prolonged wait towards the end and his abnormal attachment to his supposed Ex, yes I know he has a child, but it wasn't right for him to behave as though they were best of friends. In October 2013 I had a miscarriage from him and he didn't come to see how I was in fear that his live-in Ex will find out about me and him. He told me that she will never let him see the child if she, found out. So I stayed silent, until the end of November, when I found out he was inviting her back for tea and coffee, going to Christenings and even staff parties together. When at this point he hadn't seen me for 3 months.
Come January 2014, he tries his best to fix things with me and even proved it to me, by spending time with me and taking trips with me, the relationship started to blossom. He took me to New York to propose, where, within 5 minutes of him proposing his Aunts told me not to post anything on facebook as they didn't want to rattle things with his ex. When we got back his Ex found out that the their Child was with me one evening alone, so decided to call the police, stating that I called her stating I was going to harm her child. The police turned up and realised that all was fine, spoke to my partner at the time and left us to it stating that she's bitter. The same day my partners Mother came over and started harassing me, as though it was my fault. This treatment went on for a while until his mother exploded and said really mean things to me like "you can't kill his ex and child off you know", "You didn't get arrested did you, so what are you moaning about" and "You broke this family up". I walked away from her knowing that, that was the end of our relationship.
My Partner and I then have our Muslim marriage in September, the night of our wedding my partners father was in hospital, where I told him, he must go see his father, So, he went, whilst I sat in the car for 3 hrs, he came back down only to tell me he wishes he had never gone upstairs to the ward, because all his father did was insult me. All of this was now, upsetting me and starting to break me down, to top things the little was being horrible to me too, saying things like "your ugly" and "I like it when you cry" at the age of 5...... It was heart breaking and painful, but I never blamed the poor innocent child for the bitterness his mother had put inside of him. However, what I was upset with was the lack of support I got from my husband and the lack of discipline he instilled in him. When I challenged him on this he told me that I was an adult and should discipline him myself. When I did, he didn't support me, he started playing games with him immediately thereafter.
By this point my husband is telling me how he cant stand his Ex and wants nothing to do with her, doesn't want to talk to her, doesn't want anything to do with her and called her all the names under the sun. I told him several times, just to go and have an adult conversation with her, be open ad honest, be direct, without offending her, he refused to do so. I felt that something wasn't right, as I saw calls listed on the house phone from her during the day, when I wasn't home, he never answered her calls when I was around, so why answer them when am not there. He was constantly online, when sending whatsapp message (text messages).
I asked if I could see the messages between him and her, he gave me the phone, when I scrolled through, he had received pictures from her, when she's socialising with her friends and sending him messages every other day. As I scrolled up further he snatched that phone out of my hand. I was mad, I felt he portrayed a whole different side of the situation when was going good, I felt he had lied to me again and again. I felt that he disrespect me, by asking her not to send him picture of herself. He kept saying to me that he didn't ask her for the pictures, but that wasn't the point I was making. I felt lied to and I felt that his Ex has done nothing but made things difficult for me and he was still BFF with her. I found out I was pregnant the next day.
All of this lead to major arguments between him and I,all we did was argue, he never apologised for anything nor did he have ant empathy for what I was dealing with. Felt like him I drifted further and further apart. We had a miscarriage scare where I wanted him to be as supportive as possible. He did nothing but make jokes on my expense. He cracked joke such as "your legs are so hairy, its like and afro", "MWT- Calling me a Midget with and Attitude", just before we went in for the scan he held my hand as said "OMG your veins are soooo big! for a short person you have massive veins" and to top it off every time I got a spot, he would look at me face in detail and then give names to the spots like "Bob" or "Marvin" .......... This hurt when he did this for 4 months, I couldnt remember the last time he said anything good, actually, he called me beautiful on my wedding day, since then all I have heard is "I love you too".......
I was now 6 weeks and 6 days, and the argument escalated to the point where I broken down and hit the lowest point of my life (he even told me to *ucking pack your stuff and leave my house), I drank bleach...... Which breaks my heart to pieces that I even harmed my child in the slightest, as all I ever wanted a baby....... The hospital have checked me out and have informed me that there is nothing wrong with the baby.... I have now moved into my mothers home, where she has only spoken to me after a year, because she told me not to get back with him.
What do I do now........ Please help! I have asked the hospital for some mental health, but please tell me what you think...... I need some validation that am not going insane....
Why not go to your gp and tell them everything you have posted here. The gp or a midwife can refer you for specialist mental health support - whereas unless the hospital already has they are unlikely to as it is the role of the gp or midwife in pregnancy to do so. You can ask at your gp practice for an urgent appointment with a gp or a midwife. It is the Christmas holidays so they will be closed for 2 days or so but if you ask today you can get seen today or tomorrow.
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