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I have messed up big time!(4 Posts)
I’ve got tell someone, because I can’t tell anyone I know.
A weekend fairly recently, I went to the Christmas do! I am on Sertraline at the moment and have been since about March of this year.
I didn’t eat much during the day as I knew there would be food their in the evening. I had two glasses of wine and then a spirit and then tried the food, by that point as you can imagine I was a bit squiffy. I didn’t like the food and normally I will eat anything.
Anyone I had a blackouts and I could not remember parts of the evening, just flashbacks. I remember talking to somebody that I have liked for a while and then apparently we went back to his. I don’t remember getting there. In the morning when I woke I couldn’t remember if I was at home or not and then it hit me. Other than that a few conversations we had in the evening at his, but that’s all. (Really scarey!)
I have never done anything like that. One of the reasons being, that I would be too afraid of the consequences.
When I got home, my husband was livid. He had been drinking since 4am and had phoned the police, who would come around. They asked if I was on medication (I felt so ashamed).
I went to bed, because I was tired and also to get away from him.
He then came and interrogated me about where I had been. I said I had been at a colleague’s house (girlfriend). He didn’t believe and said he would ring her. Of course I couldn’t risk him doing that. So I told him part of his name. He was foreign so I said his name as it would be in English hoping that he wouldn’t be able to find out who he is.
He carried on drinking throughout the day about 1.5 of a large JD and two bottles of wine. Enough to kill most people!
He went to walk our dog, but was gone a long time. I was getting worried about him. So I tried to call him. It was lucky I got hold of him because I think he would possibly have died otherwise.
We have been through a hell of a lot together. We nearly split twice because I wanted too.
I feel really disgusted with myself about what I have done, but I wanted to forget it as I wasn’t in my right mind.
I felt responsible of course, but I am not responsible for him drinking like that. He always drinks when he has a problem. It’s the way he deals with things. If there is alcohol in the house and he is worrying and cannot sleep he can get up at 4am and drink for a few hours and then go to bed to sleep it off.
I have had enough of it. I went to my GP about it and he recommended I contact a local support group, which is great, but he doesn’t think he has a problem. He is saying it is because of me.
He also cleverly worked out who this person was and sent him a message saying that it could be classed as rape, because I was on medication and not with it.
When I saw this person at work he said could he talk to me quietly, but it was so awkward. I could not explain properly why I had to tell him. I’m sure he probably thinks that I am a mad woman. I have told him that my husband will not do anything more.
Sorry its so long.
Oh freeze - poor you. Whatever you do, don't be hard on yourself. It won't help you or the situation.
The concoction you describe - meds, drink, little food - was probably going to have rather a messy end. But now you know - it's unlikely to happen again.
If your DH know this, would he understand just a tiny bit better?
And, yes, he has a problem and, yes, it's got to be dealt with because of his health and, really importantly, the effect on you.
The support group sounds a good idea - so does DH getting help himself. Does he recognise that he has a problem? The effect on those around him?
Above all, stay safe - be kind to yourself and find out as much as you can about help for DH and support for yourself.
You've nearly left - do you need to get away for a while for some head space - is there anyone you could stay with?
And no-one thinks you're a mad woman. Hell, your colleague has some answering to do.
You're so kind. I was so frightened of somebody being bitchy. There is no where else I can go. DH is extremely intense to live with. Very Jekyll and Hyde. No he does not admit he has a problem and yes person at work has some answering to do, but I think he is only worried about being found out.
Freeze - any chance, at all, that you could get away for a few days to give yourself some respite? DH sounds pretty ill - but if he doesn't recognise there is a problem, that's very hard.
If you know his GP or have the same one as he has, could you speak to him/her (they don't have to give away confidential information but they could listen to what you have to say) and ask that, somehow, they intervene?
You don't deserve this stress.
As for the chap at work - he must have seen how out of it you were and he took advantage, it seems. Ugh -
Take care and make sure you're OK - Jekyll and Hyde doesn't sound good.
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